On Being a MOM and Being ME

There are a lot of things to absolutely love about having kids.  I mean, there are so many fun moments when they surprise you and make you laugh…and definitely teach you that there’s more to life than you thought there was. I love having kids.  But I definitely struggle with being a “mom”.  I have had a hard time with that often asked question: “how do you like being a MOM?”  Yeah I love having kids.  Being a MOM?  That’s hard.

I always knew I wanted kids.  That was clear to me growing up and into college and adulthood.  But I was terrified of being a MOM.  I grew up with a mom who took on being a mom to me as her sole job.  Now PLEASE don’t misunderstand me here…I also quit my job and stay home with my kids, so I do not at all disparage women who do this!  At all!  Of course, spending time with your kids is priceless.  However, I was raised with the example that a MOM does nothing, but raises children.  This terrified me.  I have so many things that I love to do that don’t involve kids…like sing and play music…shopping and styling other women…writing and reading good stories…these are all things that I thought I was going to have to give up when I had children.  It honestly took seeing other women actually be THEMSELVES and have interests and passions as well as raising their kids before I actually decided that I might be able to pull off this whole MOM thing.

I think it’s hard.  It’s hard having kids, and it’s hard not having kids.  It’s hard working and it’s hard not working…all I’m saying is that there are challenges in EVERY stage of life, so talking about the challenges of being a mom isn’t complaining.  I think it’s often misconstrued as complaining and then moms feel  judged when they talk about their struggles.  Having struggles doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids or you wish you didn’t have them.  Obviously that’s not true.  And I think the loss of identity is the hardest one for me.  Maybe some of you who have had kids haven’t gone through this…but man.  Once I had kids, I had to really fight to feel like myself again.  Suddenly when you have a baby, no one looks at YOU anymore.  Suddenly all of the compliments you get are “hot MOM” or “you look great for just having a baby” or “your baby is so cute!”  Of COURSE!  You have an adorable baby!  But I imagine it’s what women experience when they hit 50 or something and everyone starts telling them they look “great for their age”.  Why can’t I just be “hot” instead of “hot mom”?  It’s funny how we don’t even realize we are putting qualifiers on compliments until all of the compliments we receive are phrased in that way.  It really kind of shook me up at first.  I felt not beautiful at all…I felt like all I was, was someone’s mother.  I never felt like I was doing anything very well at all, considering that I was constantly told that I was: “doing great (for having two young children)!”

I love being home with my kids.  But I also miss working.  I am SO glad that I’m home with them and no matter how much I miss working full time, I would never trade the time I get to spend with them for that.  I do, however, feel like in order to be a healthy, happy mom, I HAVE to do some things on my own at times. I HAVE to work a few hours outside of the house.  I HAVE to be creative and do stuff that’s not MOMish.  I cannot lose my individuality out of mom guilt!  I think I grew up feeling SO incredibly guilty that my mom didn’t even take the time to go buy new underwear for herself, that I just decided that I didn’t want my kids to feel that way about me.  I don’t want my kids to feel responsible for me losing my creativity and my talents.  They don’t have to be!

I’ve been quietly starting to design a clothing line.  It’s in the works, and should be released by fall…at least a few pieces will be!  I’m VERY excited, nervous, and hopeful that the pieces will be things that all women can wear and be comfortable in.  I want it to be something that makes women feel beautiful regardless of if they feel super thin or not.  I want it to be something that inspires them to be creative and to be their own individual selves WHILE they’re being an awesome mom.  Because sure, when you have kids, you become a MOM.  But you’re still YOU!

I think one of the things about fashion for me is that I get to dress like an individual when I’m with my kids and when I’m out by myself.  It’s one of the easiest and most fun ways I can express myself as a creative person.  I don’t have to dress like a MOM to be a good mom.  I can still dress like ME and be a mom!

I’ll give you more details on the clothing line soon.  Pieces are in the works…and I can’t wait to wear them!  Happy Thursday!

8 thoughts on “On Being a MOM and Being ME”

    1. Awwww thank you most days I’m just trying to do everything and I don’t know how YOU do it all! Thank you I’m excited and nervous!!!

  1. I love everything you said and I identify with it. My main purpose behind @dontdresslikeamom is to do exactly that- make women look and feel like themselves! If you look good, you feel good…and that in turn helps you to be an awesome mom.

  2. You’re amazing!! I loved reading this and I can so relate!! I was just telling my hubby the other day, I need a hobby, I need something for ME! I have no idea what that is, but I’m hoping I figure it out soon!
    Also, your own clothing, EPIC!!! I can not wait to see it!!! So proud to call you a friend!

    1. Becca I have no doubt that you are amazingly talented at so many things, some of which you may not even know yet! When my kids were even one year younger than they are now, I felt pretty useless at everything except being a mom…so it just comes in time. I’m proud to call YOU a friend too, you are such a great mom and I can’t wait to see what you create and start as you begin to have some more YOU time!!

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