Starring In My Own Story

One of my favorite tv shows ended last week.  You know when you’ve been watching a show for seven years…and when it ends it’s almost like you are saying goodbye to something?  That’s exactly how I felt.  Sure, sure, it’s just a show and all, but it feels like a tiny piece of my life in some ways.  I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m a total sucker for a good story.  I was the kid who would read avidly, and actually get depressed when my book was over.  I would think twice about starting a series that had less than three books in it!  Some people just want to know what’s gonna happen and I just really enjoy the journey.  Man, I wish I could be more like that in my real life.

I was thinking about how I felt about my show ending and how attached I can become to a tv show or a book…then I had a crazy thought.  You know, I wish that I liked the star of my own story a little more.  I wish that the star of this real life “show” was less afraid of things.  I wish she worried less, did more fun stuff without constantly weighing how much sleep she was going to get or whether or not she would gain a half pound from it or not.  I wish she was more adventurous.  Yeah.  The “star of this show” happens to be me, but you know that already.

When I was a kid, I was bored A LOT.  Being an only child who was homeschooled left me with few friends, and those friends were not available much since they had their own school and family schedules.  I was left to entertain myself much of the time and so what did I do?  I read.  I listened to radio shows.  There wasn’t a lot of tv or movies allowed, so I created vast worlds in my mind where I “escaped” to.  I created places and imagined myself differently than I was…partly because I wasn’t really happy with my reality.  I need to be clear…this isn’t a sob story about my sad childhood, because I really didn’t have a bad childhood at all!  There were great things about learning to entertain myself with my imagination that shaped me into the (kinda crazy!) person I am now.  But truthfully, I was lonely and I did learn to escape into stories more than I learned how to really create a real life that I loved.  And now, as an adult, I often find myself doing the same.  I run back to my favorite places on tv or in a book instead of figuring out how to make my OWN story better and more exciting.  This story needs a bolder star.

I doubt I’m the only one who feels like this or who does the same things.  I’m quite certain that most people, if they examined their own story, would probably want to change it a bit.  And so, maybe we should.  I don’t have any deep words of wisdom on how to do this, but I will say this: I think the way to change your story is little by little.  Do something small you’ve never done before.  Try to stop worrying about things and do something for someone else.  Get out of your brain, and live IN your story.  And now, I’m basically talking to myself!

Happy Fourth of July you guys…make it a good one!  Celebrate who you are, your freedom, and your ability to be YOURSELF and the star of your own story!  Because I can’t NOT talk about them…this vest was made by my INSANELY talented friend Arwyn, and she will and can make anything you ask her to (she will LOVE me for saying that! 🙂 and the pants were made by the amazing and lovely Lori at @modmelrose.  It doesn’t get better than this 🙂

Love to you all!
Katy

My Summer “Wish List”

Let me get this out of the way, because I hate preachy posts that make me feel like I shouldn’t want stuff.  TRUST ME, I have a list three miles long of the things that I want, and NONE OF THEM are cheap.  So making you feel like I’m all altruistic and have sworn off shopping would be a MAJOR miscommunication.  However this post is not about stuff.  It’s my grown up summer wish list, which doesn’t have as nice a ring to it as the whole grown up Christmas list, I realize, but it’s not Christmas and I’m frickin hot.

My Summer Wish List*
(*does not include all the stuff I want, I’ll hit you up later Santa Claus.)

  1. Have Fun
    I love how as a grown up, I have to like, purpose to have fun.  What the literal heck, you guys???  As a kid, all you want is to be a grown up so you can do whatever you want whenever you wanna do it.  Then you become a grown up, and you realize you can basically never ever do what you want because you have kids, you’re not independently wealthy, and, oh yeah, there are other people in this world who need you to do stuff for them.  One of my goals for the summer is to have fun.  Both the kind of fun that involves me shopping by myself and the kind that involves doing family stuff with my husband and kids…and trying desperately to ENJOY it instead of stressing about the fact that the kids are TOUCHING EVERYTHING.  Wish me luck, people.
  2. Be Wise, But Worry Less
    I like to shop.  Every time I intentionally try to “spend less” I end up feeling restricted mostly due to how I was raised, and I end up impulse buying something just so that I don’t feel trapped.  Uhhh…that’s not wise.  I find that for me, when I intend to “be wise” with how I shop, it makes for healthy purchasing habits.  I buy the things I would be sad I missed out on if I was strictly just trying to save money…and I don’t buy the things I would have bought just to make myself feel better.  And the second half of this whole thing goes along with this.  Worry less…meaning, when I’m being wise with my purchases, I can stop worrying about spending needlessly.  I want to enjoy the all the fun I’m trying to let myself have after all, right??
  3. Give Myself A Break
    I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself.  To lose weight, to keep the house clean, to get my kids in bed exactly at the same time every night…and inevitably something gets in the way of any number of the things I’m attempting to control…and then I feel like I failed.  So this summer, I’d like to give myself more rest time.  Time to read a book, time to not think about any of the things I “need” to do, and time to recharge.  I often fill up that time with other things, and then feel rather burnt out on life.  That’s no good for anyone.

This dress was kind of one of those “I’d have been bummed if I missed it” purchases.  I popped into New With Tags in Paso Robles and this Raga LA dress was just hanging there, staring me in the face.  It’s so lightweight and flowy and makes for one of those great summer outfits that makes you feel so dressed up without being hot and uncomfortable.  The choker is from Amanda of The Desert Mermaid and the bolo is from my good friend Jessica from Hillbillygypsyboots.  The lace bralette is from Urban Outfitters, but you can find these babies almost anywhere now including Target!

Whatever’s on your wish list for the summer, I wish you great luck getting it or getting it done!

Katy

 

Unloading, Unearthing, and Not Unraveling

We’ve recently been cleaning out the garage and the shed, two areas of the house that have kind of had a “don’t look” policy about them.  That’s not something that’s in my nature, in fact, I could probably spend tons and tons of money on organizational products and have everything perfectly labelled and alphabetized.  However, that’s not been a reality for me as we’ve moved multiple times and have had small children and all those things that add up to what I call “semi manageable chaos”.  Since we’ve been in the same place for a few years now, it was just time to tackle what was underneath the top layer of things we pull out and put back from the storage areas.

There have been loads of things going to the thrift stores, to donation places, on craigslist, and to the dump…there was one black widow spider death (the spider, not one of us!) and some broken picture frames and glasses that could not be salvaged.  After years of stuff that had been chucked frantically into boxes and then hurriedly taped shut so that we could move in a hot second…it’s finally being taken care of. I thought this would feel good, and in a lot of ways, it does.  What I didn’t expect however was the emotional purging that would take place along with the physical purging of stuff.

Many of the boxes I went through contained stuff I haven’t seen in YEARS.  There were decorations I had in our first home after we got married, the home we lived in for five years and my husband lived in for many many before that while in college.  Then there were the things I had purchased for the houses that we were supposed to buy, and then lost for various reasons.  There were baby clothes and shoes and photos…you can see where this is going!  Yes, there have been some tears.  Tears for the futures I had planned for, then lost.  Tears for the moments with my children while they were babies…the moments that I both treasure because of my beautiful babies, and yet at the same time find quite painful because of the circumstances we were in.  Somehow though, I managed to stay calm and rational about what to keep and what to part with, and now there is a bunch more room in our garage and maybe a little more in my brain.

I’ve come to the conclusion that in life, there aren’t many hard and fast formulas. Like, moving on does not directly follow purging and getting rid of baggage.  I really wish this was the case.  One of the things that I’ve said over and over through almost ALL seasons of my life so far is “I just want to move ON from THIS.”  It’s been a life long journey of physically MOVING and yet, not MOVING on from kind of the “same old, same old” situation.  And while I don’t know the future, I will say this.  It does feel different this time.  I feel different.  I’m no longer clinging to the past, whether that be in items I purchased for a certain dream I had or in ideas I have refused to let go of, because that’s the way it HAS to be.  I so wish life operated in formulas.  I’m good at DOING stuff.  I like to feel like I control the outcome, therefore I will do _____ + _______ to = WHAT I WANT TO HAPPEN.  Wouldn’t that be beautiful?  Life would be so easy.  But this I do know: I want to move forward in the most healthy way possible, not carrying around a bunch of baggage that I haven’t seen in years and for all I know, might just be trash.  Yes, it is time to move forward emotionally, and I hope, physically.

I chose this outfit for a few reasons.  First of all, I’ve been really into monarch butterflies lately, and not just because they are trendy (because I know they are!).  My kids have been learning about butterflies in preschool and they watched the transition from caterpillar to cocoon to butterfly in their class.  (Thank goodness, because as cool as it is, kinda grosses me out to have that at home!)  There is something so powerful about this transition.  Talk about moving forward, am I right??  I mean, this gross looking wormy thing that looks like the bottom of the food chain turns into a gorgeous delicate creature by looking like its dead for a week or two.  Woah.  There’s a whole blog post in this transition!  Anyway, back to the outfit.  This romper is so fun and also a bit breezy in the booty region if you catch my drift (drifting up my backside).  It’s from Auguste The Label and the boots are Minnetonka (of course).  I got some craft monarch butterflies on wire off of Etsy, and I attach them to anything I feel like for that day!

Wherever you are, I hope you have the courage today to move forward, even if that just means doing one little thing differently than before.  It’s hard, and I’m right there with you!

Happy middle of the week!
Katy

 

 

Fashion Feelings: And Now, For Something Completely Embarrassing

Embarrassing moments happen to all of us.  Somehow I feel like I have them…a bit more often than most people.  Like, I’ll be trying to be all smooth and stuff walking through the parking lot, and then I’ll trip on the air in front of me and wobble down and then back up again a lot like one of those weird balloon stick figure guys they use to advertise for used car sales.  Yep, I have come to terms with the fact I am just not “smooth.”  But now, for something completely more embarrassing.

I’m going to be nice to you and share with you some of my favorite embarrassing moments.  Just because I love you, and I have no more pretense left of being a super cool person in the true popularity sense of the word.  So here goes.

The Moment I Realized I Was a “Forever Blonde”
I used to work full time in an office with a lot of guys.  Guys love sports.  I do not.  This makes for a lot of moments where I’d end up saying weird things like “call and audible” or “batting seven thousand” or whatever crap I had to say to make them understand me.  Yes, I can play that game (as long as it’s a game with WORDS and not a BALL).  That being said, I still have no idea how football is played really, and will probably always be trying to figure out why it is played as well.  One day I was in a meeting with two of the biggest sports fans in the office, and when the meeting ended, it moved rapidly on to sports as things often did.  The two guys were talking about their college team mascots, and the first guy said “we were the ______ (insert animal that has teeth and claws and runs really fast here)” and then the other guy explained that his team was the Bengals.  I’d like you to take a minute, close your eyes, and say the word “Bengal”.  Did you do it?  Now I can finish my story.  When he said “Bengal”, I heard “bangle” (he’s notorious for mispronouncing words in my very weak defense of this story) and I felt very confused.  The thoughts were swirling in my head, and unfortunately, when my thoughts swirl, my mouth starts moving much faster than it should.  So instead of taking a minute, processing what was being said, and THEN speaking, I blurted out “Wait.  Your team mascot was…BRACELETS?”  Both guys stopped, looked at me as if I was a three headed alien that had just landed in front of them and was picking all three of my noses with the same hand (now there’s a trick!) and the dead silence rang out.  I rapidly realized my IDIOTIC error in judgement, and I blabbed something about “haha oh yeah right you mean TIGERS…I thought you meant like BANGLES you know like the BRACELETS and I thought that was really weird hahahahaha (and on ad nauseum)” as I slowly backed out of the room.  They resumed their conversation as though nothing at all had happened because there’s no WAY on EARTH that anyone could be THAT STUPID RIGHT?  And now I have a fabulous story to tell about how my brain is eternally blonde and I actually thought that someone’s team mascot was a piece of jewelry.

The “Hair Petting” Incident
I’d like to start after the last story by saying that this one wasn’t my fault.  This was one of those weird and horrifying moments in your life that you look back on and say “what the heck was THAT??” But you do need to know that not all of these are my fault and I’m not a walking train wreck (most of the time).  Let’s begin.  I was in high school, singing on the church band as was one of my dreams since I love to sing.  There was a guy on the band, who was…interesting.  You know, like, nice enough, but just…a tad…different.  I was really young, so I for the most part kept my distance from the older guys because I wasn’t looking to date at that time, especially someone who wasn’t in high school as well.  However, that distance shrunk a bit one day in a weird way…  I was sitting in the back of the church during some special service or something that was going on (I don’t remember what happened and you’ll see why) and he was sitting behind me.  And then, the weird part happened.  He started…petting my hair.  Yes.  I’m as creeped out as you are right now.  I was basically frozen to the spot.  What the heck was I supposed to do??  I mean, if this happened now, I would most definitely be like “aw heck to the naw” and get up and move, but I was SIXTEEN!!!!!  No one had ever petted my hair before (I’m not a dog, nor have I ever volunteered to be part of a petting zoo) so I was basically petrified and pretended like this was normal and as soon as he stopped I ran far far away.  Ick.  I gotta say, this gives me a whole new respect for dogs, and I now ask their permission before I pet their fur.

The “I Promise I’m Not Peeing” Moment
I play guitar and sing.  And I sweat a lot.  Bonus, I sweat even MORE while I play guitar and sing.  Now please, don’t try to sell me on a new deodorant because the sweat DOESN’T JUST COME FROM MY ARMPITS people.  Not trying to be gross or graphic, just keeping it real.  I used to occasionally wear skirts while I played (don’t do that anymore, and you’ll see why) and I thought this would help with my overly sticky situation.  But instead, the opposite happened. One morning while playing in the dead heat of summer, I felt a large bead of sweat begin to form at the base of my…derriere.  You know, the lovely lady lumps back there.  And then, slowly, mid song, that bead of sweat began to travel, graceful and true, down the back of my leg.  I wondered…could anyone see this bead of sweat?  It felt large enough to see, that’s for sure.  And what would they think?  That I had to pee and I just couldn’t hold it in any longer?  This made me sweat more, which made the bead just move a little faster and more vengefully towards my ankle.  And then, it landed.  Thank the Lord.  I still don’t know if anyone ever saw this, and if they did, I hope they know that I am not incontinent, I just sweat like a trucker (and if you’re a trucker and aren’t sweaty, then I apologize for this reference).  I now wear pants when I play and sing.  End of story.

I may have embarrassing moments, but I usually don’t get embarrassed by my outfits.  Sure, this shirt looks a bit like chest hair, but I’m actually good with that.  I love “manrepeller style” and this outfit has a nice mix of 1970’s grandpa and luxury vintage to it.  If you don’t have a “chest hair” sweater or shirt, you should get one, because these kinds of clothes get you OUT of embarrassing moments.  No one notices if you drop stuff or trip or say weird things about bracelets…because they’re too distracted by your weird clothes.  I’m a closet genius (and my puns are #onpoint too) 😉

Katy

 

Fashion Feelings: Boots or pants?

I love multitasking.  And by “multitasking”, I mean, doing things while watching tv because I clearly love watching tv.  I’m watching it right now as I type this.  So if I begin typing names of characters on The Office, you’ll know that I’m not having a seizure, I’m just “multitasking”.  See?  Totally doing two things at once, making the most of my time.  I wish I had something I could drink through a straw so I could do three things at once…must work on this.

I know that as a woman, I should be a boss at multitasking.  And in some ways, I am.  Like, I can think about everything that I need to accomplish in the next 43 minutes while refilling water cups, picking up dirty laundry, and most likely drinking coffee.  Also, I’m super good at worrying about 57 things at once.  Does that count as multitasking??  Dang it.  Here’s what I’m NOT good at.  Writing while the tv is on.  (doing that now.  obviously, not well.  the tv is winning.)  Counting while people are talking to me.

Oh I’m sorry, did I say counting while people are talking to me?  I meant COUNTING, PERIOD.  Yesterday I ran into a friend I haven’t seen in a while, during the exact moment when I was trying to pay for my thrift store haul.  You can imagine how that went down.  I asked the poor cashier about four times what my total was again, and oh, wait, did you say “SEVENTY THREE CENTS?” one more time…I already forgot what you literally just said…  So yeah, in a lot of ways I kind of fail at multitasking.

One thing I really do well though, is wear all my stuff at once.  I like to refer to this as “multitasking”.  Put on all the things I like at once, wear them proudly, and when people ask “who are you supposed to be?” I say “a girl who likes clothes and doesn’t play favorites with everything in her closet.”

You know what else is fun?  That these boots kind of double as pants.  Now I’d never wear them AS pants, but you catch my drift right?  Yeah.  Why not have my clothing multitask too!?

I’m going to get back to doing all the things while napping with my eyes open now.  Must. Have. Coffee.

Good luck multitasking today.  It’s not recommended without caffeine.  😉

Katy

*boots are One Teaspoon, kimono is Wildfox, shorts are Levis, tank is Target!

Fashion Feelings: Dance Like No One’s Watching

I apologize in advance for this post.  Because usually, when people say “dance like no one’s watching” they are referring to something more metaphorical and emotional than actually literally “dancing like no one’s watching”.  But this post is not going to be metaphorical or emotional in the least.  I’m literally talking about dancing.  And I’m HORRIBLE at dancing.  Let me give you some background.

When I was a child I dreamt of being in the Nutcracker.  I would have been perfectly fine with being a lump of coal or a rat or something very un-Clara like, although in my ACTUAL dreams, I was Clara of course.   However, my very conservative mother decided that even ballet was too modern for her liking, and pulled me out of dance classes at a young age, thereby destroying any hopes of even being part of the background in any dance show.  Now to be fair, I wasn’t that great to begin with.  So…yeah.  Not the HUGEST loss per say for the dance world.

Fast forward to college.  I had to take some classes in the physical education type area, so I chose dance.  Most people chose bowling, but my bowling form is quite wrong, and I really just don’t want to hear about it and then fail bowling class because I can’t get it right (that just feels rather pathetic to me) and also, dance sounded like way more fun.  I took ballet from a woman who I think is possibly 135.  Don’t let her advanced age fool you though.  Just because she’s been teaching since the dark ages, does NOT mean she cannot out dance EVERYONE.  She was probably the most disciplined and frightening ballet teacher I have ever had.  She even MADE me feel her thigh to feel how tight it was supposed to be.  Awkward, yes, and also, that woman’s got some thighs of steel.  Besides ballet, I also took some modern dance, which was SO FRIGGIN FUN.  I also learned that “modern dance” is code for “do anything and call it dance, and you’re in”.  I learned this by attending a modern dance show as a requirement of the class.  One of the “dancers” (it’s in quotes because I’ve never actually seen him dance in the true definition of the word) came out on stage, unrolled a sleeping bag, lay down for a few minutes, then rolled it up and left.  Guys, just because you do that to music, DOESN’T make it DANCE.  If THAT’S the definition of dancing, then I should immediately be cast as the new premier ballerina or whatever it’s called.  But I digress.

We had to form groups and create our own dance routine to a song, so I found my group and we came up with a fun dance to a super fun song.  All was good UNTIL I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  Okay.  Dance teachers of the world, I understand that the mirror is necessary for checking your form and all that.  But man, would it be a HECK OF A LOT MORE FUN if that mirror just…went away.  If the mirror wasn’t there, I would have seen myself as I imagined.  The body of a Victoria’s Secret model…all long and lean…graceful as a swan…lovely and perfect in form.  And instead, THIS is what went through my mind.

“Oh wow, I didn’t know I had a fat roll there…is it normal to have a fat roll there?”
“Gosh I’m sweating a lot…why isn’t that slightly skinnier girl next to me sweating?”
“Is THAT what that move actually LOOKS like?  It looked WAY cooler in my head.”
“Dang it I thought my leg was SO HIGH and it’s actually…at ankle height.”
“That’s it.  I’m quitting dancing FOREVER and actually, I should probably just hold still when I get around other humans.”
“MY ARMS ARE TWICE THE LENGTH OF ALL OTHER PEOPLE’S.  I’M BASICALLY A MONKEY.  But a monkey who sweats more than all the other monkeys.”

And now, my friends always want to have dance parties for birthdays and stuff.  So while they’re getting low and all that jazz (my puns are #onpoint right now), I’m nervously rocking back and forth to the beat, hoping that no one notices the absurd length of my arms.  Which, by the way, help TREMENDOUSLY with selfies, so hey, silver lining right?

Let’s talk about these pants.  They make me feel like dancing (in private, of course) and also, as an added bonus, they feel like you’re naked but without all the weird stares and jail time from indecent exposure.  So all around, good things.  These beauties are created and hand crafted by this AMAZING artist in San Diego, California and you have GOT to see her creative and beautiful stuff.  She’s a mom and a lover of turquoise (like myself!) and her instagram is @4simplyi (check out her Etsy page HERE too).  She’s an absolute sweetheart and nothing gives me more pleasure than to get to promote other moms who are creating beautiful things!

So there you have it.  If you invite me to go dancing, I will be the one standing nervously outside the crowd trying to avoid all mirrors and any moves that might expose hidden fat rolls.  Yes, I’m quite the party person.

Happy Monday
Katy

 

 

Fashion Feelings: Coming Back To Life

I’ve been mentally writing this blog post for a long time now.  I’m hoping it’s fully formed and will come out the way I have had it in my mind.  You know when you have an idea, but it’s just really hard to put into words?  That’s this post.  And I have been waiting till I could adequately find the words to really express what it is I’m thinking.  And I have A LOT of words, so I know it must be complex if it’s taking me more than five minutes!

Of course, I have to talk about television.  Because I’m a sucker for a good story, I love things that are about more than reality, and I find a lot of comparisons to my life in stories.  So here goes.  I’m going to use an example from a television show that many of you will laugh at me for watching, but that’s okay, I’m confident enough to not be a closeted teen tv lover 😉  I love the show Teen Wolf.  The costuming and acting are cheesy as all get out, but the story is like the most fun thing ever, and that’s all I really care about.  And here’s this one story line that really stuck with me.  In one of the seasons, some of the teens were disappearing, and appeared to be “dead” when they were found.  The long and short of it is, the teens were kidnapped, had been “altered” or made into supernatural beings, buried, then emerged a few days later with a newfound ability.  Now, in this story line, they were turned into instruments for evil, or that was the attempt.  But something about this story line really caught me and has been sitting in my brain ever since.

Here’s why.  I went through a few years of kind of “death” you could say.  I lost a lot, some of what I lost was…myself.  It was a difficult time, and it felt like I was underground.  It felt like I had lost everything and I didn’t know who I was.  And then one day,  I began to reemerge again.  As I go on with my life, I have discovered that this is not actually an uncommon situation.  Many more people than I ever thought have gone through some type of “death” in their lives, where something unexpected happened, and the course of their existence took a detour.  I have been surprised to see how many people can relate to this feeling, no matter the details surrounding their difficulties, the result is always the same.  One “life” ends, and then another begins.  What ACTUALLY differs from person to person, is what happens NEXT.

Back to Teen Wolf.  I love this plot (regardless of the fact that it was actually kind of intended as a negative story line, I love the concept).  You know why I love it?  These people “died” and when they came back to life, they had something NEW inside them.  Something GREATER than what they had before.  Wow.  Here’s the problem though.  Often after these devastating things occur in our lives, we come back to life, but at “half power”.  Because disappointment is so strong a deterrent, it can keep us from being aware of our newfound “power”.  We may not have x-ray vision or invisibility cloaking after suffering a great setback.  But make not mistake, we DO have a newfound power.  And I mean that.  What is it, you may ask?  It’s a few things.  It’s the power of conquering disappointment and moving forward and THRIVING in the face of let down.  There’s a level of courage and boldness that comes from realizing that you are not “conquerable” after you LIVE again.  It’s also the fact that new creativity and ideas are often born out of pain, need, and the fact that you are less afraid of people than ever before.  Plus, there’s nothing like getting a new lease on life to motivate you to try something you’ve always dreamt of before.

The thing is, as much as I run into more and more people who have gone through this kind of situation, there are many who are not able to see their new ability.  They are still emotionally living underground, accepting their “death” instead of accepting their new LIFE.  It’s a hard thing to embrace.  I know.  It’s often easier to just partially stay underground instead of risking “failing” again.  But if you don’t try again, you most definitely cannot succeed.  And this time, well this time you’ve got something you didn’t have before.  A new super power.

Okay, so my “superpower” may have always been dressing weird.  But I have new things inside me that I didn’t realize were there before I went through what I went through.  And less fear with which to tackle them.  No matter what you’ve been through, I bet you’ve got so much more to do, give, and create…who cares what your age or stage of life is.  You’ve got more, I guarantee it.

Track pants, ruffly blouse, and vest…weird combo I know.  But somehow, it’s all very Manrepeller, and by nature that makes me LOVE IT!

Katy

 

Fashion Feelings: Sometimes You Just Gotta Dream A Little

These days, seems like there’s just so much emphasis put on stuff that doesn’t really matter.  I hear people say often “I’m too old to start _____” or “to wear ______”.  I hear women talk about their shortcomings or what’s popular or not popular and these things often take such a heavy handed place in our lives.  But sometimes I think about it this way…if all that stuff was lifted off of us (which I know isn’t always real life, I get that, but dream with me for a minute here)…how would we feel?  Like…would you buy rollerblades and skate around town simply because you LOVE to rollerblade and it makes you happy, forgetting all about how rollerblading isn’t really “cool” anymore?  (Dang it I miss rollerblades…)  Or would you consider starting a business on the side or selling your art at a farmer’s market or heck, would you just wear more leopard print even if you feel “too old” for it?  No matter what is “realistic”,  I think it might be helpful for us to think like this more often than not.

To be quite honest when I am very realistic, this clothing line is not practical for me to be doing right now.  We could really use the money that’s going into it for…lots of things.  Cars, appliances, you name it.  It would be more “practical” for me to consider other things instead of investing in a dream.  However, I don’t believe that doing the practical thing is always the best choice.  Because all outside opinions, spreadsheets, and plans aside, sometimes it’s those “crazy whims that we shouldn’t be doing” that end up changing our lives and the lives of those of us around us.  We weren’t built for small mundane lives.  We were built for greatness.  We need to express ourselves artistically, think outside the box, and live life to it’s fullest potential to really really LIVE.  It’s not always easy.  Because sometimes what is practical is most comfortable for us mentally and emotionally.  It feels good to be rational sometimes.  But it’s not always good for us in all situations.

Obviously there are times when you absolutely have to do the practical thing.  There needs to be a balance between the dreams and the day to day grind.  But I find that often I feel like the majority of people are just keeping their heads down and not playing “let’s pretend I could do anything, what would it be?” as much as they should be.  Because sometimes it’s in those moments where a dream is born and you suddenly realize that maybe, just maybe, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks and that this may be something that you should really go for.  Sometimes, that just means you should just wear what you want, regardless of…everything (except for your work dress code, because obviously that’s a different story!)

Dressing fun is just the best isn’t it?  This whole outfit is vintage, which makes it fun.  Some of it’s what you’d call #ontrend and some of it is just my own amalgamation of styles I love.  No matter what, I think the most important thing when it comes to how you dress, is that it feels like YOU.  Who cares if it goes with rollerblades or not?  (I so badly want rollerblades now, can you tell??)

Happy Wednesday
Katy

Pants: similar
C
ami top: similar
L
oafers: similar
L
ion necklace: similar
B
elt: similar
B
andana: same

 

Fashion Feelings: Quitting and Unquitting

At this point, you probably know that I recently started a clothing line from scratch.  (I’m starting a new blog series on this process in fact!)  And whenever I tell people this, they always exclaim about how fun that it must be to do so.  And it is!!  There are so many rewarding moments.  The dreaming up clothing items and then getting to wear them and seeing them on other people…yes, that part is so crazy fun.  The problem is, that the parts in between those fun parts are tedious.  They get discouraging.  And basically, I “quit” once a day, on the regular.

I’m not a quitter.  I don’t quit things unless I really really feel like I need to.  But that doesn’t mean that I don’t “quit” emotionally and mentally sometimes on a task.  You know…the “gah! I give up!” moments where you just kind of have to take a break and give yourself a chance (and maybe a pep talk or two) to breathe, rest, and realize that the process isn’t alway fun, but the reward is worth it.  Yes, everyday around 3 p.m. (right about now actually, which is why I’m having an iced coffee and writing this post) I get discouraged and “quit”.  I get stressed about the business-y details.  I worry about everything from A to Z and that makes me wonder whether I should even be doing this at all!  And then, I think of all of you.

You know what’s amazing about being “known” and having a lot of people around you who both support you and are aware of what you’re doing?  It makes it A LOT harder to quit for reals.  If you are isolated, quitting your healthy eating plan, your new plan to save more money, or your resolutions to _______ (fill in that blank with whatever you want) is easy as pie.  Like, go ahead and eat that whole dang pie, no one’s watching.  However, tell everyone you are going to workout regularly, start a business, or take a few classes online and suddenly…it ain’t so easy to do.  That’s a darn good thing too.  I’m not kidding you.  Sometimes when I get discouraged, one of your lovely faces from my Instagram feed pops into my head and I remember something you said about one of the pieces I created.  Or about my creativity.  Or just the fact that you said you were behind me in this.  Yeah…that’s when I “un-quit” and get off my butt.  Support is everything.

This slip is one of my hand dyed and patched Velvet California pieces and it’s only fitting that I pair it with this uber soft sweater from Amber Moon, on online clothing shop.  I had the privilege of meeting Stacy, the owner of the shop, and gosh she is a sweetheart.  I love LOVE meeting other women who are determined to make their mark by starting things and by encouraging other women who are doing the same.  She has great taste and decided that she wants to carry a few select pieces in her online shop.  So encouraging, you guys.

Nothing like having people stand beside you and help you out through the rough patches, even if they don’t even know they’re doing it!

It may be 3 pm, but it ain’t quitting time.
Katy

Fashion Feelings: Waiting for Spring

Sometimes in California, it seems that we barely get winter.  We often head straight from summer into indian summer…and then we get like a few days of “cooler weather”, and we are right back where we started in warm temperatures.  I’d say it’s been like that for the past few years here on the Central Coast.  We all buy sweaters and jackets and there are a few bold enough to attempt a pea coat or trench coat (usually the attempts are in vain) and then we stare at our closets, dripping sweat, and wonder why on earth we thought it was a good idea to buy cashmere. You know the story, we got caught up watching Gossip Girl reruns and  had visions of tights and scarves, then came crashing back to reality that you can’t dress like that when it’s 75 outside.  That’s the norm I’d say around here.

However, that is not the case this year.  On the contrary,  we are actually getting our winter.  My rain boots have been worn more in the past few months than they have over the entire time I’ve owned them.  No exaggeration.  Sure, we’ve had a few glorious days that feel like spring, but they are bookended with rain, and LOTS to it.  There’s dams breaking and flooding and mud sliding…all the things that you typically DON’T associate with California…where literally six months ago people were STANDING IN the bone dry lake taking Instagram photos.   And after all that waiting for rain and wondering if we’d ever have a winter again, how do you think it makes us feel?  Yeah.  For the most part, we are all just waiting for spring.

I’m not going to use this post to complain about the weather, no, I’m really talking about the seasons more as a metaphor than anything else.  Because, OBVIOUSLY the rain won’t last forever, and it’s not even all that bad compared to other parts of the world.  What I’m talking about is waiting for newness.  Most of the time, I feel like I am surrounded by people who are waiting for a change to happen.  You can hear it in their conversations as you pass by, you can sense it in them…that urgency to move past something, be it school or a temporary job, to get to where they are going.  Sure, that’s kind of part of life.  A lot of life is spent in waiting rooms, boring classes, jobs we aren’t excited about, grocery store lines…that’s normal.  I’m not really talking about THAT kind of waiting.  I’m talking about the WAITING.  You know, that deep-down-in-your-soul waiting that you can’t talk about without either getting so fired up that you can’t stop thinking about it OR you completely dissolve into tears because you “just can’t” anymore?  THAT kind of waiting.  It’s the kind where you desperately want to get pregnant and have been waiting for what feels like your whole life to be a mom.  It’s the kind where you just KNOW that there’s a job or a purpose for you outside of working at a dead end job filled with busy work you could not care less about.  THAT kind of waiting.  Waiting for spring to come.

I must confess that I have had this kind of waiting in me my whole life.  It’s very painful to even admit that sometimes, because it means I’m still doing it.  It started when I was a child (because I grew up with parents who were “waiting” and unfortunately they passed their torch to me at a very young age in that area).  I was more of a grown up child, who wished and hoped to solve everything for my parents at an age when I should have been more concerned with what the hot new toy was rather than my dad’s income comparative to the home prices in our town.  So even as a child, I was waiting for something that was not my responsibility to wait for.  That sucks.  Because now as an adult, instead of waiting for a “normal” amount of adult years, it’s mostly feels like I came out of the womb with a burden, not only to change things for myself, but to fix it for everyone around me.  And trust me, I’m not the only one suffering from this kind of waiting here.

So what do you do with this kind of waiting?  To be honest, on days like today, I feel like it is actually going to crush me.  What then?  Do you just put on your winter parka and decide that winter will last forever?  Do you just hunker down and accept it?  No.  You put on your spring clothes.  It may be freezing (so maybe don’t LITERALLY do that if you’re in a snowy climate, okay?) and it may feel VERY VERY WRONG.  People may stare at you.  They may even ask you why you’re dressed for spring when it’s CLEARLY still winter outside.  And you tell them: “because spring is right around the corner, and I want to be ready for it when it comes”.  Do you get what I’m saying?  Emotionally, we need to “dress” for spring time.  Because the winter won’t last forever.  Seasons change, and believe me, I know people who are living in spring time and they are still bundled up for the deep freeze.  They’re scared to change their emotional attitudes because they believe it’s still winter time.

On a lighter note, I am quite guilty of dressing for the season I WANT it to be, rather than the one I am currently in.  I think it’s partly just my creative nature, and partly the fact that most of the time if someone tells me something is impossible I tend to take that as a challenge.  Dressing for the wrong season is my forte, quite literally.  Days like today, I humbly admit that I’ve been in my parka all day long even though the weather has been beautiful.  I have gotten it all wrong and it’s time to put on my cropped floral pants and say screw that, I’m dressing for spring!

Who’s with me?
Katy

Pants: Vintage, similar HERE (and on clearance!)
Top: Old Urban Outfitters, similar HERE
C
ombat Boots: Jeffrey Campbell, similar HERE (and a screaming deal too!)
Earrings: H&M in store, black version HERE