I have always been both drawn to red and scared to wear it. I used to buy red things, and literally never wear them…only to just finally give them away. I don’t know what changed, but now I love red. Okay. Maybe I do know what changed.
I think I felt very conspicuous in red. I know…this coming from the girl who literally supplies Halloween costumes from her normal every day clothes. But I think somehow red felt like a street sign and it made me feel uncomfortable. For so long, I was the girl who preferred to wear white over black, patterns over solids, and kimonos instead of sweatshirts. Then I slowly stopped all that. Over time, I got more and more self conscious and started to try to fade into the background in ways I didn’t even realize. I started to dress for the approval of my friends instead of for me. I started wearing all black (which I now a healthy relationship with the color!) because I had gained so much weight and I felt so ugly. I literally would get dressed, go out with friends, and halfway through I’d catch my reflection in a mirror or a window and I’d think “what is WRONG with me? Why am I so fat and ugly?” These are the thoughts that plagued me as I compared myself with everyone around me. As I saw the extra weight I had gained. As I saw how my blonde hair just wasn’t the right blonde anymore. As I felt more and more like everything about me was just wrong. So wearing anything that drew attention to me was out of the question and I stopped dressing like me. I lost interest in clothes and fashion, which actually worried me because I knew that meant there was something deeper going on.
This outfit is so a Mojo outfit for me because it’s bright, vintage, and a WHOLE LOT OF RED. I feel like me in it. I don’t feel ashamed of who I am or what I look like anymore. Sure I still have my days, but they are becoming fewer and further between. I often wish that during all that time when I was struggling so much and feeling so lost that I could show myself these photos of me and remind myself of who I am. Give myself hope that someday I’d feel more like myself than I ever have. Tell myself that someday I’d be fine wearing more red than a stop sign. :)
Vintage cowboy boots and vintage dress and vintage jewelry. I fell in LOVE with this dress at the store (Curio SLO) and these boots I hunted for on Etsy and love so much. I love the vibrant turquoise as a pop of color (because this outfit so needs more pop right?!?!) and the embroidery on the dress. It’s bright, happy, vintage, crazy, and ME. The REAL ME.