Yeah, don’t we all. But I’m a mom. And I really haven’t been a mom for all that long, I mean, my son only just turned four and I honestly have no clue how to go on vacation with children. I mean…I get that it’s supposed to look different and all. It’s not like kids know how to lay by the pool and chill and all, but still…like, how do you relax AT ALL with toddlers around? Lately I’ve practically been chewing on my hair and desperately trying to bribe them to watch tv just so I can make dinner. So vacation? (hysterical laughter at the thought of this idea).
I get it. It’s not a season in my life that involves a lot of downtime. With starting a clothing line, which I’m super excited about (but is like having another child only without the massive weight gain and sugar cravings) and having two toddlers…there’s just no room in life for anything longer than an episode of Quantico. And there it is. It’s not time for a vacation. But oh do I miss those glorious days. The days when I had a chance to rest, get actual sleep, and read more than one book in two months. Sigh.
I have come to the conclusion that in life, being honest with myself is really important. Especially when it comes to my feelings. And it’s really hard to be honest with yourself when you are a mom. Every feeling seems “wrong” or maybe condemning in a way it really shouldn’t be. Is it wrong that I want a break sometimes and miss having downtime? No. That doesn’t mean that I don’t feel that way though. Plus, I know the minute I get it, I’ll probably miss my kids anyway, and they don’t make a pill for crazy last time I checked. Or maybe they do…
I may not get a vacation right at this minute, but I will at some point in the future. Hopefully nearer rather than farther future. It may not be the same as it was before kids, and that may make me sad in some ways, but that’s okay. I bet there will be new fun things that are different than before that will make up for the things I lost. Because I’ve learned that all change involves a loss of some sort. Even if it’s good change, sometimes I find myself mourning the loss of things I didn’t even know I liked or felt like I needed. And I know this is all stuff I’ve talked about before, but it just felt relevant for the moment…so here I go again. There are times in life where you feel like you’re working your tail off and could just use a break…and to be completely honest, it’s exhausting. It’s exciting and tiring all at the same time. And no one passes out medals for feeding your kids a healthy breakfast and cleaning up all the food they chucked on the floor!
It’s funny how often I find myself not being honest with…myself. I try to stuff my feelings…because my kids are only young once right? I should enjoy every minute, right? Um, the minute my daughter bit her brother twice in the Costco shopping cart I wasn’t really enjoying motherhood. I need to be real with myself. There are SO MANY amazing, fun, hilarious, and awesome moments with my kids. I love having toddlers. And there are moments when I feel like I want to hide in the closet with wine, a box of something I don’t let myself eat, and an iPad, and stay there for, oh, a week. And that’s just me telling myself the truth. I will enjoy every minute, and the minutes I’m not enjoying, I’ll remind myself that I’m a PERSON, not just a MOM, and that it’s normal to not like cleaning up barf or having someone scream at you to pick up a toy when you haven’t eaten in three hours or taken a shower. Because, duh, that’s just not nice and these little people can act like dictators sometimes!
Just because I can’t go on vacation right now doesn’t mean I can’t wear a vintage Hawaiian dress and pretend right? I love the sleeves on this dress…they give you that “I believe I can fly” kind of feeling…and loafers. Because, well, comfort and style are always a win!
Happy Wednesday all you beautiful people. If you have kids, hope they’re treating you well. If you have dogs, well, I know they are treating you well. If you have cats, I’ll remind you that you signed up for that type of hostile behavior to begin with. (guys, I love cats, but they’re just like that.)