Gosh I love when the tables turn in the right direction. For a few years there, I really struggled to find the good in stuff around me. I mean, I knew it was there. I had a lot to be thankful for no doubt. But honestly, the thoughts that ran through my head were more negative than positive and I had to struggle pretty hard against the negative thoughts most days. Even when things started to get better and life became more stable, it was still hard. It takes a long time to conquer loss. To realize that there is life after the life you had planned fell apart. To remember that your dreams do matter and that maybe, just maybe, you have some usefulness left in you. Slowly but surely, I have noticed that the tables have turned in my thoughts. Sure, I still have lots of things that bum me out. I have days where I wrestle with old feelings and thoughts. I have things that discourage me and I feel like maybe I should just give up. But those days and those thoughts are getting less and less, and I’m finding that my thoughts are often more happy than negative. Ahhhhh I love this. I feel like I’ve been waiting a long time for this.
Just yesterday I was at church talking to people (because this is where a lot of my social life happens!) and I had this sudden realization. I LOVE the people around me. Don’t get me wrong. I have ALWAYS LOVED the people around me. Deeply and completely. But yesterday, talking to someone who is so different from me, someone who loves to go to flea markets…but he goes for Lord of The Rings stuff, swords, and Star Wars action figures…I just felt so happy. There are so many people around me at this point in my life who are so different. In every single way. They’re different ages, backgrounds, interests, and personalities. But honestly, they’re SO FUN. I just had this amazing feeling that has become more and more common lately, where I just felt so loved. So supported. So encouraged. This happens more than just at church for me lately.
Instagram has been a mixed bag for me quite honestly. I know I’ve talked about social medial before, so I won’t go down that road again. But I have met the BEST people on there. I talk to some of those girls (one in particular, she knows who she is! :) ) more than I do people I’ve actually met! And all of those women, ALL OF THEM, have been endlessly encouraging to me. I don’t think they know that they have brought me to tears with their words of encouragement. I don’t think they know how low I have been. How worthless I have felt. And how “done” I thought I was. I guess this is my love letter to all of you, my Instagram friends and also to my church, because without you guys, I’d be lost.
Rebeca Zulch, one of the COOLEST girls on Instagram, chose to put me on her website. Honestly, I feel so flattered to be included on the site of someone who OWNS GUCCI LOAFERS you guys…her shoe closet is like magical unicorns built it out of rainbows and happy thoughts. She’s beautiful and uplifting, and I got included with so many amazing women including Elise of caturdaystyle.com (another favorite of mine!). Check out the link to Rebeca’s site HERE. Gosh. This is what I mean. I get that feeling again, that warm feeling that spreads throughout the whole of my being of being loved and supported. And even though I cheese grated my thumb this morning, everyone’s been in a super crazy mood today, and I’m sweating from every part of my body…I’m so thankful.
I chose this outfit for today because this top was one that almost got passed over at the Goodwill last time I went. It had the potential to be super ugly, but I gave it a shot, and I fell in love with it. I realized that it had new life in it. Sans shoulder pads and with some ripped up old Levis and platforms, it had a chance to be something other than ghetto 80’s fashion. I can relate. There have been many days when I thought that if someone would just give me another chance, maybe this time I’d succeed. Thankfully, life is full of many chances and we get to try and try again. Just like this shirt!
When you feel low, remember. You’ll get another chance, another day, and it’s not done. YOU are not done yet. In the words of one of the wisest fictional characters, Anne of Green Gables: “tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it.”