On New Chances and A Thrifted Top

Gosh I love when the tables turn in the right direction.  For a few years there, I really struggled to find the good in stuff around me.  I mean, I knew it was there. I had a lot to be thankful for no doubt.  But honestly, the thoughts that ran through my head were more negative than positive and I had to struggle pretty hard against the negative thoughts most days.  Even when things started to get better and life became more stable, it was still hard.  It takes a long time to conquer loss.  To realize that there is life after the life you had planned fell apart.  To remember that your dreams do matter and that maybe, just maybe, you have some usefulness left in you.  Slowly but surely, I have noticed that the tables have turned in my thoughts.  Sure, I still have lots of things that bum me out.  I have days where I wrestle with old feelings and thoughts.  I have things that discourage me and I feel like maybe I should just give up.  But those days and those thoughts are getting less and less, and I’m finding that my thoughts are often more happy than negative.  Ahhhhh I love this.  I feel like I’ve been waiting a long time for this.

Just yesterday I was at church talking to people (because this is where a lot of my social life happens!) and I had this sudden realization.  I LOVE the people around me.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have ALWAYS LOVED the people around me.  Deeply and completely.  But yesterday, talking to someone who is so different from me, someone who loves to go to flea markets…but he goes for Lord of The Rings stuff, swords, and Star Wars action figures…I just felt so happy.  There are so many people around me at this point in my life who are so different.  In every single way.  They’re different ages, backgrounds, interests, and personalities.  But honestly, they’re SO FUN.  I just had this amazing feeling that has become more and more common lately, where I just felt so loved.  So supported.  So encouraged.  This happens more than just at church for me lately.

Instagram has been a mixed bag for me quite honestly.  I know I’ve talked about social medial before, so I won’t go down that road again.  But I have met the BEST people on there.  I talk to some of those girls (one in particular, she knows who she is! :) ) more than I do people I’ve actually met!  And all of those women, ALL OF THEM, have been endlessly encouraging to me.  I don’t think they know that they have brought me to tears with their words of encouragement.  I don’t think they know how low I have been.  How worthless I have felt.  And how “done” I thought I was.  I guess this is my love letter to all of you, my Instagram friends and also to my church, because without you guys, I’d be lost.

Rebeca Zulch, one of the COOLEST girls on Instagram, chose to put me on her website.  Honestly, I feel so flattered to be included on the site of someone who OWNS GUCCI LOAFERS you guys…her shoe closet is like magical unicorns built it out of rainbows and happy thoughts.  She’s beautiful and uplifting, and I got included with so many amazing women including Elise of caturdaystyle.com (another favorite of mine!).  Check out the link to Rebeca’s site HERE.  Gosh.  This is what I mean.  I get that feeling again, that warm feeling that spreads throughout the whole of my being of being loved and supported.  And even though I cheese grated my thumb this morning, everyone’s been in a super crazy mood today, and I’m sweating from every part of my body…I’m so thankful.

I chose this outfit for today because this top was one that almost got passed over at the Goodwill last time I went.  It had the potential to be super ugly, but I gave it a shot, and I fell in love with it.  I realized that it had new life in it.  Sans shoulder pads and with some ripped up old Levis and platforms, it had a chance to be something other than ghetto 80’s fashion.  I can relate.  There have been many days when I thought that if someone would just give me another chance, maybe this time I’d succeed.  Thankfully, life is full of many chances and we get to try and try again.  Just like this shirt!

When you feel low, remember.  You’ll get another chance, another day, and it’s not done.  YOU are not done yet.  In the words of one of the wisest fictional characters, Anne of Green Gables: “tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it.”

Own it.
Katy

On Vintage Slips and Definitely Never Feeling Popular

When I was a kid, since I was home schooled, church was my only school-like experience.  I remember most of my Sunday school teachers because they were the only teachers I ever had until high school.  Some of them were great and others were less than amazing.  I had this one teacher when I was probably around eight years old who was the worst of them all.  He was just bad, plain and simple.  He had no kids and clearly knew nothing about them besides how to screw them up.  He had decided that one of the girls in my class was the most beautiful, talented, and constantly praise worthy person in my small universe.  To be completely honest, she was recognized as this by everyone at church.  She was, to put it simply, the “popular girl” in high school…but instead of it being high school, it was kids in elementary school.  She was beautiful.  She sang beautifully.  She was the IT girl of Sunday school.  Our teacher would point this out basically every Sunday.  He would say things like: “everyone wishes they could be like her” and “she’s the most beautiful star of the class”.  I, on the other hand, was none of these things.  I always wanted to be the lead part in the little plays we would put on, but she always got those parts because I had no confidence to even try…and I knew she was a shoe in anyway.  I was awkward, home schooled, wore bad glasses, and had zero idea of who I was so I was very quiet and shy and lonely.  I remember going home and crying, wishing I could just be her.  I remember wondering why I was me, and why I wasn’t a “star” like her.  I probably wasn’t the only person who felt like this, given his intense obsession with publicly praising the golden girl of the Sunday school class.

Today, I was downtown and I saw a mom who looked like she had it all together.  She was dressed perfectly and her baby had a super cute outfit on and they seemed so happy and relaxed.  And there I stood.  Feeling fat and disheveled, sweating through my clothing, and once again reminded that I am not “the popular girl”.  Now that may not be really “true” per say, because lots of people like me (although I could definitely write you a list of people who do not like me! Ha!), but on the inside, I probably will never ever feel like “the popular girl”.  You know what?  That’s probably a good thing.  I had the (un)fortune of dealing with that same girl later on in life and sure, she was still beautiful, talented, and most definitely popular.  But I saw her derail her own life for a while because she was so convinced of her own status.  And watching this was kind of tragic…mostly because she was not free to be her own person.  Since she had been praised and labelled and pinned as “the popular girl” and over and over again told WHO she was and HOW SPECIAL she was, she couldn’t be anything other than who they told her she was. And in reality, no one should be praised like that constantly as a child.  Because we ARE all special and stars and all that jazz.  But we should have some kind of goals to strive for and some room to grow and find out who we are.  No matter WHO that is and WHAT that looks like.  There are times when I remember how much it hurt to be compared constantly to someone else and to always fall short.  But then I realize that it gave me the opportunity to really be myself and to really learn who that is.  Which, I’m still doing quite clearly. :)

I have ALWAYS loved vintage slips.  I had a bazillion for a while, then in a moment of weakness, got rid of some of them.  And now, I’m in love with them all over again.  They were kind of a “style signature” for me before I got pregnant and before I kind of lost who I was for a while.  I think that they will be again because I still love them and feel like I have a whole new way to wear them than I used to!

I got this kind of crazy, bordering on 1980’s floral top from a thrift store and I love how the sleeves are under this vintage slip!  I feel like it tones down the craziness of it!  The red cowboy boots are vintage from a shop on Etsy and the squash blossom is from Classic Rock Couture.

Popular or not popular, we all just gotta be ourselves right?

Happy middle of the week :)
Katy