Mom-parison…Is Real

Mom-parison.  It’s a very real thing.  You understand when I say “mom-parison” I mean comparing ourselves as mothers to other mothers, NOT comparing our mothers to other moms right?  Just had to be clear on that…in case it wasn’t clear enough…

I still feel like a “new mom” in many ways.  Mainly because I have two children who are so close together that it’s like having twins…so basically everything I do with them, we do all at once.  Potty training was no fun.  But we did it all together, and it was my first time doing such a thing.  I’ve had kids now for four years, which in mom years (are those like dog years?  I’m suspicious of this possibility) is a long time, but in ACTUAL years, doesn’t feel like that long.  Whenever I embark on a new mom-venture, I am basically googling everything to find out how the H#** you are supposed to get kids to pee in the potty, use the pedals on a tricycle, or put their own pants on.  Because how am I supposed to know?  This is my first time doing all this too!  So starting preschool has been an adventure so far.  It’s my new mom-venture.  And I don’t know what I’m doing.

Mom-parison starts early.  From the day you give birth as a matter of fact.  Let’s just get one thing straight: when you push a HUMAN out of your crotch, you should be getting mad props and the size and length of said human really shouldn’t matter.  But somehow, it does.  This is your first clue that you will be judged freely for EVERY TINY ASPECT OF PARENTING from here on out.  Just watch what happens…a woman tells everyone that her baby was six pounds and everyone just says “awwww how sweet…” and the woman next to her tells the audience that her baby was ten and a half pounds and the crowd goes WILD!!  People will applaud her and tell her how boss she is and give her all the glory…because the human she pushed out was a few pounds larger than the other woman’s child.  What the…yes, it starts here.  Then there’s the “how long did you breastfeed?” competitions, the “how long does your baby sleep?” and so on, and so forth.  And now, after all this…comes school.  The time when you REALLY start comparing yourself.

Here’s how it goes down for me on school mornings.  I rip myself outta bed as late as I can, because, tired.  I hurriedly pack everything (inevitably forgetting something, like the kid’s art projects they were supposed to share with the class or their snack, which I have to then buy at school when we arrive) and then beg and plead with the kids to only bring ONE stuffed animal and not 17, like they have requested.  We race to school, cursing any light traffic we might hit, and then thankfully make it to the parking lot.  I park in the most remote parking space I can possibly find so that no one sees my car.  In a world of Range Rovers, I am…hiding from the general public trying to trick everyone into thinking my Rover is in the shop…and has been for a while now.  I nervously check around to make sure no one sees me, and thereby associates me with my car (once I parked next to a Maserati in the drop off zone and that was SUPER nerve wracking to say the least) and then we head to school.  I mentally pat myself on the back for the fact that while my car may be, uh, embarrassing, my outfit looks like I’m going to Coachella so that’s pretty tight if you ask me.  Then we get to the classroom.  I scan the room and realize that there are kids with really cute outfits on.  My daughter is usually covered in paint and food when I pick her up from school, not to mention she will SCREAM at me if I even attempt to put anything on her that’s not leggings and a t shirt…so cute outfit dressing is not an option.  Mom strike two.  The next thing I notice is that most of the kids have written their own names on their art work, while mine are all written by the teacher.  And sure, it all looks like hieroglyphics and is virtually unreadable, but still.  THEY KNOW HOW TO WRITE THEIR NAMES WHY DON’T MY KIDS KNOW HOW TO DO THAT??  Yikes.  Mom strike three.  Inevitably throughout the day there will be a meeting or moment with the other moms where I feel like they are speaking Chinese and I have NO idea what is going on…apparently I missed the email I was supposed to read or I missed on of the books I was supposed to buy or I don’t know if the words they are using are acronyms or ? and then I have to remind myself that I did graduate college with honors in an English speaking country and I’m not a complete idiot.  And yet, I feel like one somehow…because everyone is nodding and agreeing and I look like a deer in the headlights.  Then someone will ask if anyone has any questions and I resist the urge to put my hand up and stupidly say “uhhh what?” with my mouth hanging open.  Because, uh, I want them to like me at least a little.  Maybe I should just say “oh but look at my super cool boots!” instead of asking questions.  Divert their attention to the one thing I nailed that morning…not a bad idea…

I’m typically at mom strike seven by the end of the day because, well, there are two of them and one of me and sometimes I get tired and there’s just not enough coffee to help with my mom brain.  And because I don’t play sports, there’s no limit on strikes and that’s a darn good thing because some days I need a lot of them.  Still want that Range Rover though…


Yes, I realize we SHOULDN’T ever compare ourselves to other people.  But…yeah, that’s just a normal reaction to being around other humans!  The answer to this I’ve found is to try my best to focus on the things I’m good at and to celebrate the great and amazing things that happened throughout the day…that way I don’t get bogged down in car shame.  The other answer is to know other cool moms who are real and help you by being themselves.  This amazing top came from Amber Moon, which is run by a super cool mom who is also a super sweet and encouraging woman.  Women like her remind me that it’s okay to be human, to be normal, and that I am great at some things (Pinterest crafts is NOT one of them) and that I should celebrate those things!  The pants are Nightcap and the shoes are ix style which is a super cool company as well as super comfy sandals.

And now, to get my kids to finish their veggies.  Because I’m gonna win this one…
Katy

 

Fashion Feelings: Quitting and Unquitting

At this point, you probably know that I recently started a clothing line from scratch.  (I’m starting a new blog series on this process in fact!)  And whenever I tell people this, they always exclaim about how fun that it must be to do so.  And it is!!  There are so many rewarding moments.  The dreaming up clothing items and then getting to wear them and seeing them on other people…yes, that part is so crazy fun.  The problem is, that the parts in between those fun parts are tedious.  They get discouraging.  And basically, I “quit” once a day, on the regular.

I’m not a quitter.  I don’t quit things unless I really really feel like I need to.  But that doesn’t mean that I don’t “quit” emotionally and mentally sometimes on a task.  You know…the “gah! I give up!” moments where you just kind of have to take a break and give yourself a chance (and maybe a pep talk or two) to breathe, rest, and realize that the process isn’t alway fun, but the reward is worth it.  Yes, everyday around 3 p.m. (right about now actually, which is why I’m having an iced coffee and writing this post) I get discouraged and “quit”.  I get stressed about the business-y details.  I worry about everything from A to Z and that makes me wonder whether I should even be doing this at all!  And then, I think of all of you.

You know what’s amazing about being “known” and having a lot of people around you who both support you and are aware of what you’re doing?  It makes it A LOT harder to quit for reals.  If you are isolated, quitting your healthy eating plan, your new plan to save more money, or your resolutions to _______ (fill in that blank with whatever you want) is easy as pie.  Like, go ahead and eat that whole dang pie, no one’s watching.  However, tell everyone you are going to workout regularly, start a business, or take a few classes online and suddenly…it ain’t so easy to do.  That’s a darn good thing too.  I’m not kidding you.  Sometimes when I get discouraged, one of your lovely faces from my Instagram feed pops into my head and I remember something you said about one of the pieces I created.  Or about my creativity.  Or just the fact that you said you were behind me in this.  Yeah…that’s when I “un-quit” and get off my butt.  Support is everything.

This slip is one of my hand dyed and patched Velvet California pieces and it’s only fitting that I pair it with this uber soft sweater from Amber Moon, on online clothing shop.  I had the privilege of meeting Stacy, the owner of the shop, and gosh she is a sweetheart.  I love LOVE meeting other women who are determined to make their mark by starting things and by encouraging other women who are doing the same.  She has great taste and decided that she wants to carry a few select pieces in her online shop.  So encouraging, you guys.

Nothing like having people stand beside you and help you out through the rough patches, even if they don’t even know they’re doing it!

It may be 3 pm, but it ain’t quitting time.
Katy