Fashion Feelings: Dance Like No One’s Watching

I apologize in advance for this post.  Because usually, when people say “dance like no one’s watching” they are referring to something more metaphorical and emotional than actually literally “dancing like no one’s watching”.  But this post is not going to be metaphorical or emotional in the least.  I’m literally talking about dancing.  And I’m HORRIBLE at dancing.  Let me give you some background.

When I was a child I dreamt of being in the Nutcracker.  I would have been perfectly fine with being a lump of coal or a rat or something very un-Clara like, although in my ACTUAL dreams, I was Clara of course.   However, my very conservative mother decided that even ballet was too modern for her liking, and pulled me out of dance classes at a young age, thereby destroying any hopes of even being part of the background in any dance show.  Now to be fair, I wasn’t that great to begin with.  So…yeah.  Not the HUGEST loss per say for the dance world.

Fast forward to college.  I had to take some classes in the physical education type area, so I chose dance.  Most people chose bowling, but my bowling form is quite wrong, and I really just don’t want to hear about it and then fail bowling class because I can’t get it right (that just feels rather pathetic to me) and also, dance sounded like way more fun.  I took ballet from a woman who I think is possibly 135.  Don’t let her advanced age fool you though.  Just because she’s been teaching since the dark ages, does NOT mean she cannot out dance EVERYONE.  She was probably the most disciplined and frightening ballet teacher I have ever had.  She even MADE me feel her thigh to feel how tight it was supposed to be.  Awkward, yes, and also, that woman’s got some thighs of steel.  Besides ballet, I also took some modern dance, which was SO FRIGGIN FUN.  I also learned that “modern dance” is code for “do anything and call it dance, and you’re in”.  I learned this by attending a modern dance show as a requirement of the class.  One of the “dancers” (it’s in quotes because I’ve never actually seen him dance in the true definition of the word) came out on stage, unrolled a sleeping bag, lay down for a few minutes, then rolled it up and left.  Guys, just because you do that to music, DOESN’T make it DANCE.  If THAT’S the definition of dancing, then I should immediately be cast as the new premier ballerina or whatever it’s called.  But I digress.

We had to form groups and create our own dance routine to a song, so I found my group and we came up with a fun dance to a super fun song.  All was good UNTIL I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  Okay.  Dance teachers of the world, I understand that the mirror is necessary for checking your form and all that.  But man, would it be a HECK OF A LOT MORE FUN if that mirror just…went away.  If the mirror wasn’t there, I would have seen myself as I imagined.  The body of a Victoria’s Secret model…all long and lean…graceful as a swan…lovely and perfect in form.  And instead, THIS is what went through my mind.

“Oh wow, I didn’t know I had a fat roll there…is it normal to have a fat roll there?”
“Gosh I’m sweating a lot…why isn’t that slightly skinnier girl next to me sweating?”
“Is THAT what that move actually LOOKS like?  It looked WAY cooler in my head.”
“Dang it I thought my leg was SO HIGH and it’s actually…at ankle height.”
“That’s it.  I’m quitting dancing FOREVER and actually, I should probably just hold still when I get around other humans.”
“MY ARMS ARE TWICE THE LENGTH OF ALL OTHER PEOPLE’S.  I’M BASICALLY A MONKEY.  But a monkey who sweats more than all the other monkeys.”

And now, my friends always want to have dance parties for birthdays and stuff.  So while they’re getting low and all that jazz (my puns are #onpoint right now), I’m nervously rocking back and forth to the beat, hoping that no one notices the absurd length of my arms.  Which, by the way, help TREMENDOUSLY with selfies, so hey, silver lining right?

Let’s talk about these pants.  They make me feel like dancing (in private, of course) and also, as an added bonus, they feel like you’re naked but without all the weird stares and jail time from indecent exposure.  So all around, good things.  These beauties are created and hand crafted by this AMAZING artist in San Diego, California and you have GOT to see her creative and beautiful stuff.  She’s a mom and a lover of turquoise (like myself!) and her instagram is @4simplyi (check out her Etsy page HERE too).  She’s an absolute sweetheart and nothing gives me more pleasure than to get to promote other moms who are creating beautiful things!

So there you have it.  If you invite me to go dancing, I will be the one standing nervously outside the crowd trying to avoid all mirrors and any moves that might expose hidden fat rolls.  Yes, I’m quite the party person.

Happy Monday



On First Impressions and Cowboy Caftans

First impressions are so interesting aren’t they?  I know you should “never judge a book by its cover” and all that, but of COURSE the cover has at least a TINY bit to do with the book doesn’t it?  Sometimes it doesn’t have as much to do with it  as we THINK it does, but it’s most definitely part of who/what that book is.  Funny how some people make such a strong impression that it kind of defines part of who you see them to be forever really, and other people just kind of somehow “come to be” in your life and you don’t really remember the first time you met them.  Some people I feel like kind of just fade into our lives and they just always ARE, and others, well, you most CERTAINLY remember what kind of impression they made right off the bat.

When I was at Cal Poly, in one of my classes we had to give a mini presentation about who we were during the first day of class.  Nothing major, we didn’t have to prepare anything, it was more of a “who are you?” type thing so that we knew more than each other’s faces and maybe a name or two.  This one guy, let’s call him “Joe” (*names have been changed to protect the innocent/guilty and I most DEFINITELY DO remember his name), decided that just simply answering the question was not enough.  While most of us sat in our chairs and gave the usual: “my name is ______ and I like shopping and reading and long walks on the beach blah blah”, when it was his turn he leapt up and ran to the front of the room.  He immediately grabbed a dry erase marker and began drawing on the board as though we were playing some sort of Pictionary game.  We watched as he drew, not sure where this was going, and honestly it didn’t look like it was going anyplace good.  He finally finished his “work of art” and turned to face the class.  “Hi!  I’m Joe*!  And THIS (he motioned dramatically at the drawing on the board) is a diagram of my butt.”  He proceeded to explain where there was hair, as well as where there was not hair on his butt, why this was interesting, and probably some other details about himself that no one remembered because we were all stunned into a silence, memorizing that image of his butt against our wills.  When he finished, the professor gave him a long hard look, said: “Okaayyyyyy…thank you?” and later gave him QUITE a talking to about how inappropriate this presentation was.  Uh…YOU THINK???  I remember this guy’s real name.  But I called him “butt guy” instead, and he has been henceforth known as “butt guy” by my husband too.  I mean, the other day, I saw someone I went to college with and Eric said, “Oh was that butt guy?”  You SEE???  His first impression will NEVER DIE amongst those of us who were in that class that day.  I know nothing about him.  But I’m a wealth of information on his rear end.  Unfortunately.

Ah yes, first impressions.  There have been times when people have told me their first impressions of me.  Usually if I’m getting told by people what they thought of me initially, it’s because they formed a bad impression of me, and not a good one.  Otherwise it’s not really a great story.  Like “oh when I met you I thought you were super nice haha…” yeah not nearly as good of a story as “I thought you were vapid, popular, ditzy, and vain.”  Pretty sure I’ve heard some form of all of these things about myself.  Weird because I’m really not popular and I’m so self deprecating most days people would not think I was all that vain.  I do say a lot of dumb stuff probably too loudly so sure I’ll take ditzy no problem…whatever I used to be a blonde right!?  Anyway, whenever people are telling me their first impressions of me its because they were wrong…(“hey you’re not popular at all!” just kidding, see there’s the self deprecating side speaking up!) and they’ve realized that I’m not who I came across as at all.

To be completely honest, UNLESS you are talking about your butt along with diagrams and stuff, I’m pretty sure what you are wearing comes into play largely with your first impression.  Sure it’s also your facial expressions, body language, and what’s coming out of your mouth…but clothes are an easy first impression maker.  This is partly why I love clothes though…it’s a way of expressing yourself in a very visual way that’s immediate.  It’s like you get to put together your own piece of art, then wear it to show people:  “Hey, I made this outfit!”  It may not always come across as who you are completely, but it’s your creation and it expresses a part of your creativity and your personality!

Yep I’m two posts in a row with the caftans guys, what can I say.  I didn’t plan it that way, but I bought this thing the INSTANT I saw it on The Hippie Shake‘s website it was too amazing.  I mean, most caftans are like 1970s Florida beach wear, which I LOVE.  But this one, this one is like 1970s cowboy meets California beach!  The choker is from PrickliePear and the boots are handmade…get similar ones from Hillbillygypsy Boots!

Hope your week is starting off well, and that you haven’t seen any diagrams of anyone’s rear ends lately.  It really does stick with you…