Unloading, Unearthing, and Not Unraveling

We’ve recently been cleaning out the garage and the shed, two areas of the house that have kind of had a “don’t look” policy about them.  That’s not something that’s in my nature, in fact, I could probably spend tons and tons of money on organizational products and have everything perfectly labelled and alphabetized.  However, that’s not been a reality for me as we’ve moved multiple times and have had small children and all those things that add up to what I call “semi manageable chaos”.  Since we’ve been in the same place for a few years now, it was just time to tackle what was underneath the top layer of things we pull out and put back from the storage areas.

There have been loads of things going to the thrift stores, to donation places, on craigslist, and to the dump…there was one black widow spider death (the spider, not one of us!) and some broken picture frames and glasses that could not be salvaged.  After years of stuff that had been chucked frantically into boxes and then hurriedly taped shut so that we could move in a hot second…it’s finally being taken care of. I thought this would feel good, and in a lot of ways, it does.  What I didn’t expect however was the emotional purging that would take place along with the physical purging of stuff.

Many of the boxes I went through contained stuff I haven’t seen in YEARS.  There were decorations I had in our first home after we got married, the home we lived in for five years and my husband lived in for many many before that while in college.  Then there were the things I had purchased for the houses that we were supposed to buy, and then lost for various reasons.  There were baby clothes and shoes and photos…you can see where this is going!  Yes, there have been some tears.  Tears for the futures I had planned for, then lost.  Tears for the moments with my children while they were babies…the moments that I both treasure because of my beautiful babies, and yet at the same time find quite painful because of the circumstances we were in.  Somehow though, I managed to stay calm and rational about what to keep and what to part with, and now there is a bunch more room in our garage and maybe a little more in my brain.

I’ve come to the conclusion that in life, there aren’t many hard and fast formulas. Like, moving on does not directly follow purging and getting rid of baggage.  I really wish this was the case.  One of the things that I’ve said over and over through almost ALL seasons of my life so far is “I just want to move ON from THIS.”  It’s been a life long journey of physically MOVING and yet, not MOVING on from kind of the “same old, same old” situation.  And while I don’t know the future, I will say this.  It does feel different this time.  I feel different.  I’m no longer clinging to the past, whether that be in items I purchased for a certain dream I had or in ideas I have refused to let go of, because that’s the way it HAS to be.  I so wish life operated in formulas.  I’m good at DOING stuff.  I like to feel like I control the outcome, therefore I will do _____ + _______ to = WHAT I WANT TO HAPPEN.  Wouldn’t that be beautiful?  Life would be so easy.  But this I do know: I want to move forward in the most healthy way possible, not carrying around a bunch of baggage that I haven’t seen in years and for all I know, might just be trash.  Yes, it is time to move forward emotionally, and I hope, physically.

I chose this outfit for a few reasons.  First of all, I’ve been really into monarch butterflies lately, and not just because they are trendy (because I know they are!).  My kids have been learning about butterflies in preschool and they watched the transition from caterpillar to cocoon to butterfly in their class.  (Thank goodness, because as cool as it is, kinda grosses me out to have that at home!)  There is something so powerful about this transition.  Talk about moving forward, am I right??  I mean, this gross looking wormy thing that looks like the bottom of the food chain turns into a gorgeous delicate creature by looking like its dead for a week or two.  Woah.  There’s a whole blog post in this transition!  Anyway, back to the outfit.  This romper is so fun and also a bit breezy in the booty region if you catch my drift (drifting up my backside).  It’s from Auguste The Label and the boots are Minnetonka (of course).  I got some craft monarch butterflies on wire off of Etsy, and I attach them to anything I feel like for that day!

Wherever you are, I hope you have the courage today to move forward, even if that just means doing one little thing differently than before.  It’s hard, and I’m right there with you!

Happy middle of the week!



On Inspiration, Motherhood, and Challenges

Being creative can be a challenge, can’t it?  I mean, we are all so creative as individuals and we all have so much talent…and yet what is the number one thing we say when we start talking about creativity?  “If I only had more time…” Yep, the story of our lives.  Sometimes I get overwhelmed with just the normal daily tasks that I need to accomplish.  The meal preparing, the clean up, the laundry, taking care of the kids…not to even mention any work that I need to do and THEN add on top of that TIME to be creative?  Forget about it.  I mean, the good news is that I’m pretty speedy at everything I do, which is both good and bad because it means I get stuff done, but I often miss details because I’m flying through what I’m doing.  But, for sure, creativity could use time to cultivate.  I’m not gonna say that creativity “needs time”…because that’s exactly what I’m talking about in this post!

I recently read this article that a friend sent me about motherhood and creativity.  It was an interesting article to me because it addressed things that I think most women FEEL but don’t really articulate…for fear of sounding like they are ungrateful for their children or that maybe they are complaining.  This article kind of talked about how having kids can definitely feel like the death of your creative side…for a lot of obvious reasons.  I mean, time to yourself?  That’s not a normal thing when you have young children!  Plus, I mean…your brain is consumed with other things like “did my kid eat enough healthy foods today?  Is that behavior normal or should I be concerned?”  and “hey did I put sunscreen on him/her/them within the last half hour?”  They don’t call it “mom brain” for nothing!  It’s like the portion of your mind that you used to use for things like reading, getting inspired, and creating…has now become a log of foods and activities and, well, worries, about these tiny humans that you care so much for.  So yeah, seems like having kids could be the death of your creative side right?  Heck no.  Just because life (whether you have kids or not!) can make you feel like a can of refried beans that’s been reheated too many times…doesn’t mean you are done creating.

One of the things that I’ve been constantly reminding myself of lately, is that for the most part, people who started something big or created something amazing…did it WITHOUT a lot of what you could argue they NEEDED for it.  Most people don’t have the money, time, or even support they “need” when they start stuff.  Why?  Because it seems like the more we have as humans, the less motivated we are to be creative or to work at stuff.  I think often times, amazing things actually are produced OUT OF NEED, not out of HAVING.  So yeah, when I start worrying about having all the money that I need to start this clothing line or the time that I want to write more music and record it…then I remind myself that I do have a little bit of both, and that’s all I really “need” for right now.  I can encourage myself to be wise with both my time and my money and go for it.  That putting one foot in front of the other is going somewhere a lot faster than just standing still waiting for all the stars to align and for me to have the perfect elements all there, just waiting for me.

I guess my point is this.  Having kids is amazing, but yeah it does cause you to reprioritize stuff, and sometimes what gets lost is your creativity.  I am always so amazed though to see those “momtrepreneurs” in magazines and on tv…you can see that they took those challenges of having less time (and frankly less sanity!) and they turned that into something incredible!  Sometimes when the heat turns up, that’s when you get the gold.  Let it be something that motivates us to keep being creative.  To realize that challenges and time constraints can be used to make us more efficient and more flexible in our creativity.  You never know, maybe even just the pressure of having less time to be creative will cause all those creative juices to get flowing quicker and efficiently!

This crazy neon thing is a vintage ROMPER!!!  So of course I had to have it!  Speaking of creative struggles…here are some things I’ve had many frustrations with when it comes to trying to be creative and also being a mom:  Time.  Because toddlers don’t like to wait while you accessorize perfectly.  They also have no good input to add to your outfits, and will not be complimentary when you’re having an off day.  Taking photos.  I can’t just take photos whenever, I’ve got to do it when the kids nap or are preoccupied.  The lighting, like on this day when I took these photos, can be a beast and I have just given up on many a day! Feeling ridiculous.  Because there are days when I think to myself “why don’t I just throw on sweats and call it a day?  No one cares what I wear anyway!”  Okay, not true, I CARE WHAT I WEAR.  So shut it, self, and put on your cool vintage stuff.  Being tired.  I need a lot of sleep.  It’s a constant point of stress for me just trying to get to bed on time and get enough hours of rest so that I’m not cranky.  Which I usually am.  So there’s that.  Not FEELING creative.  Some days I go to put together outfits, and I just stare at my crazy closet, no thoughts whatsoever in my brain.  I can’t even figure out what to wear with JEANS.  So there are days when I just call it good, and try again the next day.  Because sometimes you do just need to use those few moments of rest and watch reruns of That 70’s Show.  Just call it “inspiration”, and you’re all good. :)

Hope you’re all inspired today, no matter what!

On Feeling Like Myself, 2001, and Velour Sweatsuits

I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to feel like myself.  I think because lately, I’ve actually been starting to feel more and more like me for the first time in a LONG time.  The me that has been buried deep down under the me that had been trying so hard to be someone else without even realizing it.  We went to see Jurassic World the other day and I felt like me again.  I remembered how I am not really the cool girl who loves The Bachelorette, but rather the girl who loves sic fi and dinosaurs and can’t wait for the new Star Wars movie.  I am the girl who once had almost the entire Monty Python and The Holy Grail movie memorized and still can quote so many tv shows it’s like I have a database in my brain.  And yes, I still have all my old Juicy outfits.  I know they’re not in style and probably will never be again, but I still love them.

I think I spent a long time fighting that part of myself without even knowing I was.  I bleached my hair Jessica Simpson blonde for 10 years.  I kept the fact that I was so excited about each new Harry Potter book that I could hardly sleep the night before the release on the down low.  I tried so hard to disavow all the “dorky” things about me that when my husband and I went to see Star Trek and I knew more about it than he did, he was shocked.  I kind of was too.

I love clothes and things that make me feel cool and all that, but honestly, I had posted literally probably four selfies in my entire social media lifetime before doing all of this.  I think I just kind of wanted to hide from the universe because I didn’t feel good enough to post anything about myself.  Not like I feel “good” enough really still, but now I think after hiding for so long I’m ready to just be myself and not worry (as much) about what people think about it.  I’m no longer trying to be “in with the cool kids” or whatever.  So here is my 2001 ghetto Juicy Couture post in my furry Target slippers.  Because this is my comfy, wear-around-the-house, mom uniform and it makes me feel pretty great.  It’s bright, a romper, and straight from the days with Jennifer Lopez was Jenny From the Block.  Kickin it old school and I like it.  I will resume posting what I consider to be cool clothes tomorrow, but today, I’m just gonna be me…goofy, no good at selfies or posing, still losing weight, definitely going to see the new Star Wars on opening day, and lover of pretty much all dinosaur movies.


Yep Juicy Couture people…I’m for reals on this one.  I kind of can’t even believe I’m posting this, but hey, I gotta be real sometime otherwise I’m gonna feel like I’m once again trying to be something I’m not.  I got two little kids and most of the time I’m not in fun amazing clothes, I’m in clothes I can cook and clean and hold babies in.  And relax on the couch and watch more tv to reload my brain database with.

Happy Sunday all you super cool kids