One of my favorite tv shows ended last week. You know when you’ve been watching a show for seven years…and when it ends it’s almost like you are saying goodbye to something? That’s exactly how I felt. Sure, sure, it’s just a show and all, but it feels like a tiny piece of my life in some ways. I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m a total sucker for a good story. I was the kid who would read avidly, and actually get depressed when my book was over. I would think twice about starting a series that had less than three books in it! Some people just want to know what’s gonna happen and I just really enjoy the journey. Man, I wish I could be more like that in my real life.
I was thinking about how I felt about my show ending and how attached I can become to a tv show or a book…then I had a crazy thought. You know, I wish that I liked the star of my own story a little more. I wish that the star of this real life “show” was less afraid of things. I wish she worried less, did more fun stuff without constantly weighing how much sleep she was going to get or whether or not she would gain a half pound from it or not. I wish she was more adventurous. Yeah. The “star of this show” happens to be me, but you know that already.
When I was a kid, I was bored A LOT. Being an only child who was homeschooled left me with few friends, and those friends were not available much since they had their own school and family schedules. I was left to entertain myself much of the time and so what did I do? I read. I listened to radio shows. There wasn’t a lot of tv or movies allowed, so I created vast worlds in my mind where I “escaped” to. I created places and imagined myself differently than I was…partly because I wasn’t really happy with my reality. I need to be clear…this isn’t a sob story about my sad childhood, because I really didn’t have a bad childhood at all! There were great things about learning to entertain myself with my imagination that shaped me into the (kinda crazy!) person I am now. But truthfully, I was lonely and I did learn to escape into stories more than I learned how to really create a real life that I loved. And now, as an adult, I often find myself doing the same. I run back to my favorite places on tv or in a book instead of figuring out how to make my OWN story better and more exciting. This story needs a bolder star.
I doubt I’m the only one who feels like this or who does the same things. I’m quite certain that most people, if they examined their own story, would probably want to change it a bit. And so, maybe we should. I don’t have any deep words of wisdom on how to do this, but I will say this: I think the way to change your story is little by little. Do something small you’ve never done before. Try to stop worrying about things and do something for someone else. Get out of your brain, and live IN your story. And now, I’m basically talking to myself!
Happy Fourth of July you guys…make it a good one! Celebrate who you are, your freedom, and your ability to be YOURSELF and the star of your own story! Because I can’t NOT talk about them…this vest was made by my INSANELY talented friend Arwyn, and she will and can make anything you ask her to (she will LOVE me for saying that! and the pants were made by the amazing and lovely Lori at @modmelrose. It doesn’t get better than this :)
Love to you all!