Does This Sweater Make Me Look Fat? (and other things I don’t care about)

Man repelling clothes.  We’ve talked about them before, and I assuredly will talk about them again.  Like today.  I went into one of my favorite second hand/vintage stores downtown, and I found this amazing Free People sweater.  Let me clarify “amazing” because the word can have a multitude of meanings, right?  Sometimes “amazing” can mean delicate, intricate, and like a work of art.  Sometimes “amazing” can mean beautiful, flattering, and comfortable all at the same time.  And then other times, “amazing” can mean “it’s a freaking snuggie that’s socially acceptable to wear in public.”  In this case, I clearly mean the latter of these three definitions.

And when you find the equivalent of a wearable blanket made by Free People (this is actually more common of a find than you may think), what do you do?  You try it on.  Then you examine yourself from all angles, discover that it’s not flattering, and THEN what do you do?  Buy it anyway because somehow, wearing a giant knit poncho dress makes you feel like 67% cooler than you actually are…plus, who cares if it’s flattering or not because you can totally eat a bagel before wearing it and no one will ever know.  Yes, you are, AN EVIL GENIUS WHO CAN SNEAKILY EAT CARBS AND STILL LOOK COOL.  Free People may not be the best brand in the world, but thank goodness for their influence on style because there are some days you just don’t wanna suck it in all day long.

I find that there are some women who care more about the way things look, and some who care more about the way things look ON their bodies.  And then some, like me, care about both, but it greatly depends on the day you ask me.  Most of the time however, I will forgo the “this isn’t the MOST flattering for my body” voice in my head and just wear whatever it is just because I love it.  Hence, I bought the wearable blanket.  And yes, I will be wearing it regularly in a variety of ways.

Maybe you’re afraid of oversized sweaters, and that’s ok.  But in case you really want to try one and aren’t sure how…here are a few tips on things that pair well with the snuggie swaps you find out there:

  1. Pair them with everything else fitted.  Do not wear other baggy items of clothing with that giant blanket, but that’s kind of a no-brainer, isn’t it?
  2. If the sweater is long enough to cover your rear, go pants-less.  Please, please wear underwear and maybe a pair of shorts if the sweater is on the short side…we don’t need any “uh oh” moments that are R rated.
  3. Wear that giant thing over a collared shirt and bunch the sleeves up.  That gives it a kind of “preppy J Crew” vibe.
  4. Wear with a slip dress or something lacy under it.  That way, you’re balancing out the boxy oversized knit with something delicate.
  5. If all else fails, put on a beanie, giant oversized glasses, and channel Mary Kate and Ashley. 

And there you have it.  I’m wearing a blanket, and it’s somehow normal.  Ahhhhh I love being cozy in the winter time!

Happy giant sweater weather
Katy

Advice in Style: Wearing What Doesn’t Look Good on You

I will admit something you probably already know.  I don’t always care whether something looks amazing on me or not.  I mean, if something looks really bad on me, I won’t wear it.  But let’s just say…if something isn’t like…the BEST on me but I love it, I’ll just go ahead and wear it anyway.  And you know how it goes, sometimes styles you love don’t always suit your shape unfortunately.  Let’s talk about this phenomenon.

My body shape is such that I don’t have, like, a ton of SHAPE.  I’ve never in my life had a defined waist.  I’ve always been more of a straight up and down body type with not a huge differentiation from my bust to my waist to my hips.  I’ve got more “curves” I guess you could say since having babies, but still, my waist is not something that I like to emphasize a lot.  I’d rather wear a short skirt than a midriff bearing top.  One of the styles that I have ALWAYS loved, is the micro pleated skirt.  Over the years I have bought them, realized they looked bad on me, gotten rid of them, then bought them all over again…repeating this endless cycle of hoping one day, I would put on a micro pleated skirt and look exactly like Heidi Klum would look wearing one.  Dang you Heidi.

Most of the time, there are solutions for these “problems”.  Sometimes, you gotta cut and run with a style, but occasionally, if you want it badly enough, you can make it happen.  Now, I can’t solve or offer advice for every single body issue out there unless it is specifically asked of me…but those of you who struggle with “finding their waist”…this is for you!

Problem Solving For The Waistless Masses (me)

-For two piece outfits, make sure the top is loose fitting.  Tight tops will only emphasize the fact that you don’t have a defined waist.  Then, instead of tucking in the top all the way around (not flattering on me), only tuck in the front and let the back hang out.  This give the illusion of a thinner waist, while still giving you the tucked in look you’re going for!  Ta Da!
-If you are going with a more fitted look, get a corseted style top or something with vertical lines that again, give the illusion of a waist.  Pair this top with a full skirt or looser pants OR make sure the dress you are buying has a full skirt.
-If you want to wear a shift dress and you just look like you could possibly be pregnant (I frickin hate that because I LOVE shift dresses), make sure you buy the dress large enough that it doesn’t hang on anything.  The right fabric is key here, and usually a non-t shirt fabric is the way to go.  Something more silk/polyester or maybe a denim that’s a slightly (or majorly) stiffer fabric will help give you that shift dress shape without proving that you have a non flat abdomen.  Because as you know, women are NOT SUPPOSED to have an abdomen UNLESS they are pregnant.  I have learned this from watching every Victoria’s Secret model in the history of mankind go from nine months pregnant to completely washboard abs in two days post partum.  And they only breastfed you guys, that’s all!!  (insert MAJOR eye roll here).
-Belts.  For those of you with no waist, that one word evokes a strong reaction.  You are either sweating, swearing, or screaming “I CAN’T WEAR THEM!!” right now.  Yep, I feel that.  And I love belts you guys!!  The absolute best belts I have ever found, are ones that are either stretchy or adjustable.  That way, I can put one on and maneuver it around until it actually looks right on me.  Yes, you can wear a belt.  But it is definitely more tricky.  So find a couple of adjustable (by adjustable, I mean like d-ring, stretchy, or tie-on) belts, and play around.  It’s always better to wear something with a little extra fabric in it because that way, the fuller dress will give the illusion of a smaller waist.
-One last tip.  Play with color blocking.  Often a dark color paired with the thing you don’t love on you (if it’s a two piece outfit) can help.  For example, see the photos below!

You guys, I couldn’t resist the allure of the metallic micro pleats this year.  I know, they’re not the most flattering on my body type.  But I love them so much, I’m gonna deal.  Here is my answer to all the bad things micro pleats do to my shape (add bulk at my hips, remind the world I am not Heidi Klum…).  I have something bulky, a sweater, on top, and this helps with the fact that this style is not flattering on my hips.  I tried on a neutral colored sweater first with this skirt and quickly realized that all it did was make me look sort of wide.  Swap it for the black, and the result was WAY better.  Wham, bam, thank you for the micro pleats, ma’am!

If you have a waist, ignore this and do all the fun things that I cannot do with clothing please!  And if you don’t have a waist, don’t cry over belts that don’t work.  You can do it!  If I can, you can!

Katy