If you haven’t noticed, I love epic things. Epic stories, epic songs, epic clothing…you name it, if it’s epic, I’m probably all about it. I have a very “all or nothing” personality where I tend to go to extremes quite easily. I’ve learned this over the years from people’s comments about me and by recognizing that I am a very committed and on board person…as long as it’s for something epic. The funny thing is, I don’t really feel like much of an epic person. Now of course, my personality is quite epic. I know that. It’s loud, sometimes annoying most likely, and just THERE in everyone’s faces. But my life has been pretty boring for the most part. Save for the few years where we went through some pretty epic struggles, I have no real amazing stories to share. Sometimes I get to hear other people’s stories and I realize how insanely boring my own story is. Okay. “Boring” is the wrong word. My story is quite weird and has some great parts to it, but it’s overall pretty safe and pretty uninteresting. I guess what I’m trying to say, is that I wish I had travelled more after college or had a big family growing up, or had parents who liked to take more risks…something to add excitement and flavor to my childhood.
I dream of big things. I want my life to be epic. And I guess I’ve realized that in order to have an epic life, you must have some life experiences that are, well, less than enjoyable. I struggle often with what I went through. Sometimes it feels like it is a shadow over my heart and mind, keeping me from really experiencing life to the fullest. Sometimes the shadow dims and I feel better, but it’s just kind of a memory that’s “there”…pulling at the corners of my thoughts. It’s something that I’m trying to reconcile at times, trying to let go of at others, and trying to accept all at the same time.
I got this really amazing handmade couch pillow from a thrift store a little while ago. Someone had taken all of their child’s equestrian ribbons and sewed them into a pillow. What a genius idea! It makes for a really great throw pillow and it just has so much character. Now, I know absolutely nothing about horse showing or competitions. I was a kid who desperately wanted a horse, but since we lived in a mobile home and my parents really had no knowledge of horses, I didn’t get any experience with them. This morning I was taking a closer look at the pillow on my couch as I was cleaning the house, and I realized something that probably would have been quite obvious to someone who knows about horses. All of the ribbons are different colors because they are all different places in the competitions. There’s one blue one…clearly first place. The rest range from second to fifth place. I had been admiring the pillow just minutes earlier for it’s different colors and how beautiful those colors made the pillow, and I realized something: if this child had always won first place, the pillow would be all blue ribbons. How boring. It would have lacked the uniqueness and variety that all the colors gave to the story of the pillow. And then I realized something else: that same variety of different colors represents our life experiences, and how when we experience the struggles and the successes of life, it gives us the depth of character that we need to be beautiful and interesting. It gives us what we need to be EPIC. No movie or story is epic without the last places, the struggles, the pain of loss.
So there you have it. I and that pillow are the same. I am a painted tapestry of highs and lows, of epic struggles and the yet to be epic triumphs. I AM epic. I just didn’t realize it!
I love this dress. I got it from a vintage shop, and when I saw this necklace on Free People, I just KNEW they went together. It was just…EPIC. The gold Toms were just because, well, why not add in some more epic gold sparkle, right??
I think sometimes things that don’t go together at all, actually go together perfectly. Like a fifth place ribbon and a first place ribbon. One may think that fifth place is really nothing to celebrate, but in reality it’s ALL of us put together that makes for a beautiful story and a beautiful person, not JUST our blue ribbons. Although those are the ones we like to talk about the most!
I hope your week is off to an EPIC start!