There’s always someone out there with an opinion on whether women can “have it all”. I’m not here to give my opinion on this idea, however, it was what inspired me to write this, so it has to bear some sort of weight in this post. I think it’s hard to even give an answer to that plaguing question “can I have it all?” because it’s so highly dependent on what “all” means to you. I think some women define having it “all” as working and having kids. Other women would feel slighted by this, and would say that’s not “having it all”, but rather staying home with their children is “all”. So I’m not going to answer this because there just is no hard and fast answer. But I think all of us out there with kids are still trying to be supermom, and yes, we are all probably “failing” in our own minds to have it all…whatever that means to us.
I never intended on staying home full time with my children. That being said, I’m very thankful that I got the chance to do this. I loved my job and I know that having small amounts of time to focus on other things (other than my children) makes me a better mom. But given the circumstances of our life at the time that I had my second baby, it would have been a drain on our family and it would have been more hurtful than helpful for us. So I stayed home, and tried to be supermom. But that cape is a heavy mantle for me.
For me, I am one of those people who thrives with a job, with a creative passion, and with other creative people around me. I’m a nerd who loves meetings, organization, and colored tabs in my binders. Motherhood comes with no binders, and if it did, my kids would promptly smear them with chocolate and destroy them with crayons. I am not a person that thrives in the chaos of a messy home. I constantly remind myself that kids need to be messy and that letting go of always having things clean will help me enjoy life more. But this is a struggle for me. I wouldn’t trade the time I have at home with my kids for any job, period. It is priceless. But that doesn’t mean that it’s not hard. I often feel stir crazy, crazy exhausted, and just plain crazy. I am not a great crafting mom, Pinterest mom, or creative mom. I’m working hard on these things, but it doesn’t come naturally to me. Speaking in front of people comes naturally to me, but helping my kids with a puzzle pulls muscles in my brain. It’s funny how natural it is just just love and adore your children…and somehow you think that once you give birth it will also be perfectly natural to know how to make a Disney princess cake from scratch on their birthdays. For me that is not so.
I am not supermom. I see a lot of supermoms on Instagram, but I’m going to bet that by their own volition they are most definitely NOT supermoms. Some days I have to remind myself that I can’t even be a semi decent mom if I don’t take some time away to breathe and do something for myself…let alone be supermom. There are certain things I think I’m not bad at when it comes to mom-ing. I cook a lot, I love talking to my kids and reading them stories, singing to them, and shopping with them (big surprise there) and I will be an EXCELLENT Disneyland ride buddy mom. But crafting? Getting messy and doing things that I can tell will require extensive vacuuming later? Playing board games and puzzles? Not easy for me. I’ll get there. But supermom I am not. I can still wear a cape though, that’s allowed, right?
Capes are making a comeback and if you want to know more about their fashion history, check out this Vogue.com article with some really cool photos. I got this velvet cape because it is perfect for semi-cool weather (which is something we have a lot over here) and I’ll most likely be wearing it most with jeans or shorts. Velvet is one of those fabrics that can go SUPER fancy, so pairing it with denim is always an easy way to daytime-it-up.
After all my extensive hair-pulling-out, self shaming, and unashamed comparison on social media, I can only conclude one thing. Supermom does not exist. It is a myth that we keep alive in our brains, primarily to torture ourselves. Kind of like the tooth fairy where we’d actually go to great lengths to TRY and lose teeth (so gross) just to make a couple of bucks. And in light of this, I will SAY I will stop tormenting myself with images of perfect family photos and event quality birthday parties, but the truth is, I most likely still will. I am human after all and it comes with the “mom territory” to automatically feel like a failure when things don’t look picturesque. And with toddlers, most things are covered in crayon scribbles and not in like a cute Instagramable way.
And now, back to the toddler arguments. And those things are endless. Happy Friday