Real World Style: Goth Feels

I’ve never been much down for the whole “goth thing”.  However, I have friends and relatives who fully embraced the trend a long time ago…the whole dark and moody thing just never really worked for me.  I mean, I didn’t even start wearing black until about five years ago!  I am the least dark and twisty person you could find…and a lot of time my style reflects that.  That’s not to say that I don’t appreciate the style in certain ways though!

Goth seems like it was a total late 80s and early 90s style kind of sub sect, especially amongst angsty teens.  I remember one of my good friends talking endlessly about Marilyn Manson (although we were a bit on the young side to really be listening to him) and wearing almost black lipstick.  She definitely embraced the moodier side of fashion while I was still wearing pink and listening to uber pop music in all it’s happy glory.

Isn’t it funny how the style cycle is moving quicker these days it seems?  I think because of social media and iPhones and all that jazz, photos get disseminated much quicker and almost immediately after a trend begins, we are oversaturated with it.  Fast fashion pumps out a style quicker than you can blink, and before you know it, you have an email in your inbox from Forever 21 with a complete collection of clothing based on that trend.  The fast fashion fairy godmothers plus the magic of Instagram equals a trend reaching the masses and then being “so over” much MUCH quicker than in any other time in history.  So we are now seeing trends cycle through, like some of the 90s punk goth stuff we are starting to see, when it wasn’t all that long ago we just saw black velvet chokers and dark lips walk down the runway THE LAST TIME they did.

The great thing however about all this lightning speed communication of trends is that there is so much more creativity happening amongst them!  The “goth” we are seeing now is definitely a throw back to the early 90s, but this time, it’s gotten a little fancier.  And this time, I’m gonna test it out because I’m a little bolder in my style choices than I was when I was a kid.  Clearly.

I found this photo in Marie Claire that I liked because it’s kind of an edwardian romantic take on goth.

I love the idea of mixing white and black lace together.  It takes the sweetness and delicacy of the lace and adds an edge.  I love testing out a trend or a style that doesn’t necessarily feel like “me”, because it often gives me new ideas and new courage to think (and dress) outside my usual box!

This look is like the fancier older sister of the moody goth younger brother.  Know what I’m saying?  I have a vintage Gunne Sax lace dress over a vintage black slip dress and some ruffly combat boots…because the ruffle is just plain fun.  I feel both moody and fancy at the same time.  I weirdly used to wear dark lipstick ALL THE TIME, but now it feels fun and yet strange.  It’s not my usual go-to style, but I’m gonna try and sneak some pieces of it into my weekly wardrobe!  Still listening to pop music though.  That’s not gonna change :)
Happy Monday!
Katy

 

 

On Competition and Lace

Competition.  It’s one of those things that everyone deals with, no matter who you are or what age you are.  I mean, sometimes it’s friendly competition in a game or a contest, sometimes it’s a workplace thing where there’s money, status, or a promotion involved, and sometimes it’s just downright nasty.  I know guys deal with competition as well as women, but for some reason it just seems like in women it’s just worse.  Maybe it’s because guys overtly compete with each other often and it’s all out in the open…whereas when women compete, well, you know what happens.  There’s so much subtext, so much NOT being said, so much that  would go unnoticed to the undiscerning eye…it tends to be hidden.  I think anyone who’s been around other women at any point in their lives (or maybe has just watched a few episodes of The Bachelor for that matter!) has experienced this.

In high school, there weren’t that many of us really since it was such a small school.  And fortunately we were all so vastly different that we didn’t have a ton of competition amongst us.  There were some girls who I could see that dynamic going on with, but it thankfully didn’t leak onto me.  And my best friend and I were the good kind of girl friends, the kind who supported each other and didn’t have this horrid love/hate relationship that some girls have going on.  But when I became the youngest girl singing on the band at church, things were a bit different.  Now I’d like to point out that for the most part, everyone INCLUDING the women were really sweet and supportive.  But there were those few who just really couldn’t behave that way.  There were the women who were insecure about themselves and had a hard time with me coming in and “threatening their position” as women so often feel about other women.  So when I eventually became the leader, I decided that I didn’t want this kind of competition to exist on the band because of how it felt to be the recipient of it.

I remember asking a new girl to sing on the band along side myself and another singer.  She was very excited to join us and complete our team.  On her first night at practice, she sang great and the other girl singing with her was so encouraging to her.  I could tell she was going to be just fine, however I could tell by her demeanor that she was emotionally struggling.  I could see it on her face that no matter what anyone said to her, she didn’t feel good enough to be there.  The competition she was feeling was internal…it wasn’t coming from anyone else around her.  So after practice, everyone left but her and the other singer and I asked her gently “how did it go for you?”  She crumbled…tears streaming down her face she sobbed out how she didn’t feel like she was a good enough singer to sing with me and the other girl, how she felt inadequate, and how she didn’t think she belonged.  We hugged her, reassured her a bunch that we wanted her there, that there was nothing about her that was inferior to either of us, and that there most definitely was a place for her with us.  By the time she left, her whole face changed.  She was smiling, excited, and acting appropriately according to the way the night had gone.

Isn’t it funny how sometimes no one around us is competing with us, and yet we are still competing with everyone around us?  I honestly feel like at this point in my life, I am my biggest competition.  I am constantly comparing myself to who I USED to be…like the jeans I still can’t quite wear yet…I am constantly trying to be better than I used to be and better than I am.  So many times I find myself feeling badly about myself, crumbling much like I watched that girl do so long ago, even though there’s no real reason to feel that way.  It comes with being a typical type A personality, being a woman, and just being the kind of person who often equates things like weight gain due to pregnancy with failure.  I’m always competing with me.

I think what I love about this outfit is that it’s not trying to be anything other than it is.  I love this vintage slip because it looks a lot like what For Love and Lemons is most likely inspired by, and it has slits in the sides so it makes it perfect for wearing over jeans without being too billowy.  The bells are from Show Me Your Mumu of course and the necklace is from Zachary Pryor on Etsy.

I keep reminding myself that instead of trying to mimic who I was before…I need to be who I am now.  I need to understand that it’s not failure to be different than I was before a lot of things changed in my life…it’s not failure, but a new opportunity to rediscover things about myself.  So I love to put together outfits like this that are unique in themselves and feel fresh and like the me that is now. I mean, if I compete with myself, who wins??  Yeah that’s a brain teaser isn’t it?

Happy weekend all!
Katy

Winter Whites and When People Just Don’t Get You

Have you ever had someone in your life who just didn’t like you?  Like no matter how nice you are to them, no matter how hard you try, it just gets worse?  Yep.  I’ve been there.  Yesterday I was in the grocery store and I saw this girl who I knew a long time ago.  We were friendly and had a friend in common so we spent a limited amount of time around each other, but I could just always feel that little barbed wire around her when we were together.  She was like as sweet as pie and sweeter to me…but you know when there’s poison in that pie because you can taste it!  I could tell she was a highly competitive person and so I just kind of kept as much space as possible between us, but she finally attacked my relationship with my now husband and after that I just gently walked away and tried my hardest to literally never be around her.

This isn’t the only time this has happened.  There’s another girl who I used to know who has decided she hates me.  I worked my butt off on this one, you guys. I invited her on day trips with other friends, I hugged her and apologized for anything I had done to hurt her…and after all that one of our mutual friends told me that she had had it with me.  Oh my gosh do you know how ANNOYING THAT WAS???  And yet, at the same time it was kind of freeing.  I was like…wait a minute…the more I try, the more she hates me.  So I don’t have to try anymore with her!  I can take a deep breath, and just wave and smile when I see her and not even worry about it!

When I was interning at the local news station in college (it was a requirement to do an internship for my major), I thought it was going to be a blast.  I mean, I knew it would be work, but I like that kind of work so I was pretty excited about logging hours at a television station I grew up watching.  Yeah it wasn’t fun.  Like, AT ALL.  You want to know why?  The editors.  So I’d come in, and sit in the large room with all the desks and computers and I’d ask the editors what they needed done and I’d do it.  Free labor.  They should have been ecstatic.  Let me paint a more ACCURATE picture of what went on.  I’d come in, all happy and friendly (because I am a decently happy and peppy person) and all the editors would be sitting in a group around their computers.  Frowny grumpy faces on.  Bitching and moaning about how lame the news was around here. “Why doesn’t anyone get murdered around here?” Okay, not an exact quote, BUT I did catch a reporter staring at a newsfeed of a massive fire down in Los Angeles saying wistfully: “that would NEVER happen here…”  And I just looked at him and said: “UM, THANK GOD!”  And he was like “oh…yeah yeah of course.”  Are you catching my drift?  Anyway, back to the newsroom.  I’d come in and say hi and they’d be like: “meh” (or however hipster cool kids say hi) and then they’d be like “whatever here’s some stuff to do.”  There were a few other interns who bitched and moaned as easily as breathing, and they fit in like a glove.  I, however was trying to do my job, keep a low profile, and not bother anyone, seeing as I was never going to fit in to that crowd.  And then, I got the truth about how they felt about me.  One day the station manager was obviously trying to get a read on the interns and how we were all doing since he wasn’t ever around us, but he was for sure in charge of our grades.  So he called one of the editors on the phone.  This girl, of all the editors, really was the worst.  She was the angriest, unhappiest, and the one who I knew hated me the most.  She sat right behind me, and I basically just tried to breathe as quietly as possible all day long so as to not annoy her further…because my very existence was pretty much the worst to her. So she picked up the phone and I could hear her talking about the interns.  Then she got to me.  She mentioned me by name, and then went on and on about how annoying and incompetent I was because I would ask her for work everyday.  Um, hello, I’m was INTERN and that is how I GOT work!  And then she proceeded to rag on me while I was INCHES FROM HER HEAD.  At this point, okay I was a bit worried about my grade for sure, but I actually was so baffled by this whole thing that I couldn’t even be upset.  I kind of thought it was hilarious that she was bagging on me about 14 inches away from my ears.  Did she think I was deaf?  Did she think I wouldn’t hear her?  It was so incredibly ridiculous that I couldn’t really even be mad about it.  I just let it go being as I wasn’t going to ever see her again after stopping my internship…and she sure as heck didn’t like it when I was nice to her, so I really had no course of action to take.

I got a B in the internship.  Sure, I deserved an A.  The reporters loved me, all my stories made it on the news, and I rocked that joint (okay except for the police scanner…I honestly could never understand a THING they were saying over that muddy radio signal)…but I learned a lesson.  Sometimes you can do everything right and really deserve an A+ in life.  But that’s not what they really wanted, so you get a B instead.  Sometimes you gotta figure out who you’re really working for and want to please.  I’ve been in plenty of situations where the way to get ahead is to have a rotten attitude, treat people below you like garbage, and suck up to the boss.  That’ll get you an A+ with the management.  But who the HECK cares because I am not going to compromise who I am and how I treat people just to get an A or a promotion or recognition.  I’m going to do my very own A+ work, treat people with love, and then if people don’t love me back for it, at least I know I did what I could.  And hey, for the most part people love it when you’re kind to them, so most of the time being friendly and nice happens to be the way to get ahead!

I love white.  Even in the winter.  Nothing sounds purer than “winter whites” does it?  My full name means purity, and it’s one of those qualities that my parents passed down to me that I’ve always thought was important to try and preserve in myself.  I don’t mean “perfection” I mean the innocence and purity of truly caring for people and for what’s important in life.  So for today, pure winter whites.

I got this massively amazing vintage lace gown at Ruby Rose in SLO and I just love it.  It feels like a fairy princess gown.  I added the white fur vest from H&M last season (but these are everywhere right now…particularly Target!) to keep with the white theme and to give it a winter feel.  I feel like in the spring I will style this dress completely differently and it will be just as magical.  I took a headband that I hardly ever wear and tied it as a choker because I actually like it way better like that!  Hot tip!  Tie on headbands can ALSO double as chokers!!  Y tall grey Frye boots keep the look nice and neutral and wintery.

Hope all of you are having an amazing Monday and feeling loved and valued!

Katy

The Bell Bottoms You Absolutely Need. Like Right Now.

So by now you probably know how much I love bell bottoms right?  I’m thinking I just heard you say YES, so I’ll move on.  If not, please refer to my earlier posts on things I am obsessed with.  Among those things are jumpsuits, fluffy skirts, turquoise, vintage, bell bottoms, paisley, orange, and, well…the list is basically so long we could sit here for days.  Anyway, Ima talk about bell bottoms, k?  (is it Kanye’s fault that I say the word “Ima”??? I honestly don’t know.  But it sounds right, so Ima blame him.)

Okay so these bells are not necessarily a bargain when it comes to jeans, per say.  They’re definitely on the lower end in terms of price when it comes to nice jeans…but they’re still an investment.  However, if you’re going to invest any money into jeans this season and you want bells, I implore you to make these them.  Let me explain.

First of all, they are elastic waistband, pull on, super flare jeans.  Yep, you read that right.  Okay, let me be honest.  If I was reading this right after having my daughter (second pregnancy in a row), I would have rolled my eyes at this description and said: “so basically, they’re maternity jeans?”  Um, past me: get off your freaking high horse and get a GRIP!  So yes, they are stretchy.  Yes, they are pull on.  Do you know what this means?  They are basically the most comfortable jeans KNOWN TO MAN.  I’m not kidding.  Also, Show Me Your Mumu knows butts ladies.  They are my go-to for flowy pants because they ALWAYS are butt flattering!!  Oh and P.S. these pants are semi high wasted so they really suck you in.  It’s glorious.  These jeans are the Berkeley Bells…they come in different colors, and I am in love.

Now just a warning on these pants.  They are LOOOOOOONG.  Tall people of the world, rejoice!  They are made for you!  If you are shorter or have shorter legs, then you might not want them because you will have to cut so much off of them that the bell will be way less prominent.

They say “mu” on the butt.  Which just plain makes me happy.

Have a FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC week!
Katy