When I was a kid, since I was home schooled, church was my only school-like experience. I remember most of my Sunday school teachers because they were the only teachers I ever had until high school. Some of them were great and others were less than amazing. I had this one teacher when I was probably around eight years old who was the worst of them all. He was just bad, plain and simple. He had no kids and clearly knew nothing about them besides how to screw them up. He had decided that one of the girls in my class was the most beautiful, talented, and constantly praise worthy person in my small universe. To be completely honest, she was recognized as this by everyone at church. She was, to put it simply, the “popular girl” in high school…but instead of it being high school, it was kids in elementary school. She was beautiful. She sang beautifully. She was the IT girl of Sunday school. Our teacher would point this out basically every Sunday. He would say things like: “everyone wishes they could be like her” and “she’s the most beautiful star of the class”. I, on the other hand, was none of these things. I always wanted to be the lead part in the little plays we would put on, but she always got those parts because I had no confidence to even try…and I knew she was a shoe in anyway. I was awkward, home schooled, wore bad glasses, and had zero idea of who I was so I was very quiet and shy and lonely. I remember going home and crying, wishing I could just be her. I remember wondering why I was me, and why I wasn’t a “star” like her. I probably wasn’t the only person who felt like this, given his intense obsession with publicly praising the golden girl of the Sunday school class.
Today, I was downtown and I saw a mom who looked like she had it all together. She was dressed perfectly and her baby had a super cute outfit on and they seemed so happy and relaxed. And there I stood. Feeling fat and disheveled, sweating through my clothing, and once again reminded that I am not “the popular girl”. Now that may not be really “true” per say, because lots of people like me (although I could definitely write you a list of people who do not like me! Ha!), but on the inside, I probably will never ever feel like “the popular girl”. You know what? That’s probably a good thing. I had the (un)fortune of dealing with that same girl later on in life and sure, she was still beautiful, talented, and most definitely popular. But I saw her derail her own life for a while because she was so convinced of her own status. And watching this was kind of tragic…mostly because she was not free to be her own person. Since she had been praised and labelled and pinned as “the popular girl” and over and over again told WHO she was and HOW SPECIAL she was, she couldn’t be anything other than who they told her she was. And in reality, no one should be praised like that constantly as a child. Because we ARE all special and stars and all that jazz. But we should have some kind of goals to strive for and some room to grow and find out who we are. No matter WHO that is and WHAT that looks like. There are times when I remember how much it hurt to be compared constantly to someone else and to always fall short. But then I realize that it gave me the opportunity to really be myself and to really learn who that is. Which, I’m still doing quite clearly. :)
I have ALWAYS loved vintage slips. I had a bazillion for a while, then in a moment of weakness, got rid of some of them. And now, I’m in love with them all over again. They were kind of a “style signature” for me before I got pregnant and before I kind of lost who I was for a while. I think that they will be again because I still love them and feel like I have a whole new way to wear them than I used to!
I got this kind of crazy, bordering on 1980’s floral top from a thrift store and I love how the sleeves are under this vintage slip! I feel like it tones down the craziness of it! The red cowboy boots are vintage from a shop on Etsy and the squash blossom is from Classic Rock Couture.
Popular or not popular, we all just gotta be ourselves right?
Happy middle of the week :)